My 50 Favorite Songs of 2014

Hey, it's a tradition, even if my blog has stopped being one!

Each song links to a YouTube video.
Or you can can check out the Spotify playlist (which is missing seven of the songs, thanks a lot, Taylor Swift!)
Or you can download all 50 songs here.



50. Octahate – Ryn Weaver
Ryn’s got a quirky voice, and this track showcases her range. The song starts of sort of slow, but by the time the song hits that powerful, thumping chorus, you won’t want it to stop.

49. Turn Down for What – DJ Snake & Lil’ Jon
Even if the song sucked, the video would have made it a classic. We’ll be enjoying this one at parties for years to come.

48. On the Rocks – The Rural Alberta Advantage 
If you were to stereotype this band by its name alone, you’d probably assume it’s a Canadian indie folkish rock band, but actually… no just kidding, they’re exactly what you initially thought. And good, too!

47. Sirens – Cher Lloyd
I wasn’t immediately sure I liked this song by the Brit songstress, but it’s haunting enough to keep creeping back into my consciousness.

46. Young Hearts – Strange Talk 
Bring on the synthesizers! This Australian band keeps it light and playful.

45. Rude – MAGIC!
I have a love/hate relationship with this popular song. It’s incredibly dumb, but I can’t help but laugh each time I hear the singer whine, “Why you gotta be so rude?” in the reggae-esque chorus. I wouldn’t want this loser to marry my daughter either.

44. Give Me Back My Hometown – Eric Church 
Let me be upfront to my “anything but country” friends – this is the first of three country songs on the list, and the only one with mainstream success. Don’t write it off too quickly!

43. Empty Gold – Halsey 
There’s a slight Ke$ha vibe here in the chorus, which I hesitate to point out since that might scare you away, but hear it out first. Halsey’s website’s bio says, simply, “I am Halsey. I will never be anything but honest. I write songs about sex and being sad.” “Empty Gold” fits into the latter category.

42. Paper Crown – Alec Benjamin
Benjamin was signed after generating a buzz on YouTube and you’ll hear why. Ballads are often pretty, yet rarely this catchy.

41. Rather Be - Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne 
Mainstream radio got it right with this infectious pop tune. Don't mind me, I'm just dancing.

40. My Silver Lining – First Aid Kit
Folksy female harmonies that’ll send a shiver down your back. That’s a good sensation, I reckon - no need for an actual first aid kit.

39. Sticky Situation - Baylor Wilson
Wilson was the young bratty girl on Survivor this past season, and apparently her aspirations to become famous extend past reality television and into country music as well. I listened to this song first as a joke, and a joke it is - she pretty much kills the "sticky situation" metaphor by listing a bunch of sticky things like stepping in gum, melted Dairy Queen, and a movie theater floor. It's as catchy as it is cringy though, and I'd be a liar if I didn't admit this song is always, well, stuck in my head.

38. Stoner – Young Thug
You don’t have to toke to enjoy this song by the Atlanta rapper. The pleasant beat makes it a good choice for dancing to drunk as well!

37. Mess Is Mine – Vance Joy
I gave you the scoop on “Riptide” in last year’s list, and it turns out his 2014 album is all good quality. If you like his vibe, you’ll similarly dig “Mess Is Mine.”

36. Heavy Crown - Y.O.U
Normally laying down so many musical components into one song is a recipe for disaster, but Y dot O dot U finds a way to turn this busyness into an enjoyable song.

35. Blank Space – Taylor Swift
Swift poking fun at herself really suits her. I was a little “Huh?” at this song at first, but I get the appeal now. I still swear she’s singing “Starbucks lovers,” though.

34. Lonely Neighbor – Oh Honey
If you can’t take another cute twee duet in your life, I won’t blame you. Still, this one is too adorable for me to deny. They make the cut!

33. I'm Not the Only One - Sam Smith
"Stay with Me" may have been his breakout hit (can I brag that I had Smith on my list back in 2012?) but I'm more partial to his more recent single, which uses his signature voice to do something less expected than a straightforward ballad.

32. Cigarette Song – Raury
Whoa, how is a high school student this talented? His song “God’s Whisper” got the most attention this year, but I’m even more drawn to the killer songwriting of this track.

31. First – Cold War Kids
This song is all about sequence. First you listen to this song, then you like this song. Nothing too complicated.

30. Gunshot – Lykke Li
Li’s consistently good – this is my favorite track off her commendable album I Never Learn.

29. Options – Brika
Keep your eye on Brika – she’s liable to break it big soon. I love how she lilts her way through this minimalistic song.

28. Ghosts - Made in Heights
Are we sure this isn't Janet Jackson? The vocalist is an aural deadringer. In lieu of new material from the actual Ms. Nasty, I'll certainly take it, though!

27. Chandelier - Sia
I've put Sia on this list three times in past years, including all the way back in 2008 - it's the rest of the world that's been late to the party. It's understandable why "Chandelier" finally made her a chart-topper in her own right - it's the perfect showcase for her extreme vocal gymnastics.

26. Budapest - George Ezra
What sets "Budapest" apart from every other dude-with-guitar song? The kinda-falsetto "oooohs" he sprinkles throughout the song, that's what.

25. Step – Vampire Weekend
I can never decide whether I like Vampire Weekend’s energetic songs or their slowed down interludes better; the good news is I don’t have to. “Step” is a lullaby for the thinking man.

24. Cleopatra - Weezer
I'm not arguing that Weezer is still in its prime, but if "Cleopatra" had been included on one its beloved mid-90s albums, today, you'd love selecting it on a jukebox with your friends and scream-singing "You can't control me no more Cle-o-patch-a-ra…"

23. I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers
Bleachers is an appropriate name for this band since it sounds like a pop-ified song that could get played at a sports arena to pump the crowd up. You'll be shouting the chorus by the end even if you don't want to. Who's up for the wave?

22. Ain’t It Fun – Paramore
You’ll agree with her that “it’s fun” for the first half of the song, and by the time she kicks in with not “crying to your mama”

21. Dream and an MPC – Golden Coast
For those suffering Foster the People withdrawals (yeah they put out an album this year, but was meh,) here’s Golden Coast. This song is high energy and fun – just don’t ask me what an MPC is – should I know what an MPC is?

20. Not Alone - Aram Mp3
Representing Armenia, Aram put together my favorite (earnest) Eurovision entry this year. The crescendo from soft ballad to intense dubstep makes the most of its three minute time limit.

19. Jealous - Chromeo
The kings of cheesy dance tracks have done it again. It's cool because it's so uncool, if that makes sense. Oh whatever, just enjoy it for what it is.

18. Wasted Love - Matt McAndrew
The Voice's Fall 2014 runner-up wasn't my favorite or anything (that distinction goes to Luke or Troy), yet when they provided him with an original song to perform in the finale, I was instantly impressed. Shooting to #1 on the iTunes charts just a few hours after being released - and even becoming a Top 20 Billboard song based on the strength of these sales - it's clear I wasn't the only one drawn to the songwriting here.

17. XO - Beyonce
Beyonce's late 2013 surprise album remained a force this year. Though I don't generally count myself a member of the Beygency "XO" is too enchanting to ignore.

16. No One Needs to Know - Haerts
If this song is trying to feel like a throwback from an 80s girl band, it's hitting all the right notes. Between the whispering and almost comical spoken word interlude, you just want to pinch this song’s cheek and tell it how adorable it is.

15. All This Could Be Yours – Cold War Kids
And it can so easily be yours, too, once you listen to this grandiose tune by this decade-old Long Beach band.

14. i - Kendrick Lamar
Lamar's one of hip hop's most sought-after artists to collaborate with currently, but he proves he doesn't need to accompany anyone to make a great record with this song all about himself. It's a musical self-esteem boost - a little self-affirmation is hardly a bad thing.

13. Face the Fire - Michelle Chamuel
Chamuel is an under-appreciated electronica singer, and "Face the Fire" is probably her best non-cover song single. It's fun and full of energy.Who can resist that "Whoa-ah-oh, whoa-ah-oh" chant? 

12. Argentina (Parts I, II, III) - Tokyo Police Club
It's basically three songs in one, but I don't consider it cheating since the band released it as a single unit. The progression tells a story that'll put a smile on your face - just remember to "smile with all your teeth at once." It's well worth the long ride.

11. Two Weeks - FKA twigs
There's a reason every music blog loves this song - it's fucking great. Don't let her gentle, breathy voice fool you - the lyrics are raunchy. Even tuning the lyrics out, though, you can feel the song's slow, deliberate sexual energy.

10. Simplethings - Miguel
True to its name, Miguel takes a stripped down approach to this song, written for the Girls soundtrack. (Pretend I didn't say that last part if it helps.) It's that beautiful simplicity that resonates to create an unforgettable tune.

9. Beggin for Thread - BANKS
I've been excited to share this song by the up-and-coming L.A. indie artist with y'all for a while, and shortly before typing up this list, I heard this song on KROQ. Sounds like the secret's out, and rightfully so. The song boasts in the bridge "My tracks are better" and she's right - her whole album is worth a listen/purchase.

8. Alexandra - Hamilton Leithauser
Warning: this song leads to excessive stomping, thigh slapping, and head bobbing. The former lead singer of The Walkmen is clearly having a good time with this tune. If the subject of this song is half as fun as the song itself, I'd love to meet her.

7. Turtles All the Way Down - Sturgill Simpson
This IS your grandaddy's country. You don't have to normally be a fan of the genre to appreciate its classic qualities and Simpson’s amazing voice. I’ll have whatever drugs he’s having - and he lists a few!

6. Colorful Kids - Ha Ha Tonka
Okay, so technically this song came out on a 2013 album, but you got to give an indie band an opportunity to tour to get the word out on a song as great as this one. Easily one of my favorite choruses I've heard in a long time.

5. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift
No use in hating, we all love this song. I've polled even friends who don't like pop music, and it's (near) unanimous that this is a fun, smart song. Considering I've previously liked literally only one Swift song throughout her whole career, I'm excited about this new, pop-heavy direction.

4. Ellie - Eastside
I can't tell you much about who created this mash-up/cover of Ed Sheeran's "Don't" and Chris Brown's "Loyal," but I'm nevertheless all about it. "Consider it a feminist response to some of the misogyny in mainstream music. Before this cover, I felt guilty wanting to sing along with the phenomenal hook "These hoes ain't loyal" and now that it's disassociated from Chris Brown, I can do it relatively guilt-free.

3. Don't Tell 'Em - Jeremih & YG
Okay, Jeremih drew my attention by borrowing from "Rhythm Is a Dancer" (someone should have thought of that sooner) and then he made a fan out of me with that scatty "Don't Tell 'Em" chorus. I couldn't begin to count how many times I drunkenly sang this song to passersby in Las Vegas a couple of months ago.

2. Sexotheque - La Roux
The band that made one of my previous favorites "Bulletproof" has recaptured that magic with this breezy dance song - it's understated yet amazing. The perfect soundtrack to a casual dance party. Let's not pretend you won't get a kick out of singing about a "sexotheque" either.

1. Seasons - Future Islands
It's not often that my favorite song also tops most music critics’ lists (my tastes are so Pitchfork!) This one took me a couple of listens, but thanks to its deceptively dance-y qualities, I bounced around my room to this on repeat. Plus, it leaves you emotionally confused in the best way possible – how did they turn a woeful reflection on expired love into something so triumphant?

Where Have I Been?

Ohmguh, where have I been?

Not blogging. Well, not blogging here anyway.

I just needed a break. I didn't even realize I needed a break until I was in the middle of taking said break. It felt good to check out for a prolonged period of time.

If I'm being honest, since hitting my 30s last year, blogging has become less appealing. I'm less inclined to overshare or just share details of my life in general. I wouldn't necessarily call it maturity (sorry, parents), just age.

Writing for a living doesn't help matters, either. I have other outlets for expressing myself that get way more of an audience (and, more importantly, get me paid). In between doing my jobs, I rarely feel like writing more, even "for fun."

That said, I'm not ready to pull the plug on this blog. I doubt it will ever return to the heydays when I'd post every single day, but I've got still got some Babbling left in me.

But real content will have to start again tomorrow. Somehow I got talked into seeing a Tom Cruise movie...

Too Soon!

This is why I blog. I realize that I shouldn't take pleasure in intentionally baiting people into getting indignant about a Hunger Games pun I made yesterday, but they make it so fun.

As for the joke being "too soon" - of course it's too soon, it's not even worth saying a day later. Plus, I'm a proud member of Team Too Soon, so I take it as a compliment.

Speaking of which, that's another reason I blog. That previously linked post about the Urban Iditarod from 2010 has subsequently provided even more laughs than the event itself thanks to Google's algorithm. A fairly raunchy photo of a friend included that blog entry has been, for quite some time, the #1 google image search for both girl touching dick and girl touching penis.

Realistically, it's not even an accurate description of the photo. If anything, it's the opposite that's occurring: a guy is touching a girl's dick. And by dick, I mean a baby doll's arm. Still, it brings me a lot of satisfaction knowing how disappointed some horny web-searchers must be when they come across that picture instead. (They're going to be disappointed on the whole anyway since other top Google images for those phrases are Carol Brady touching a man's crotch over his pants and Sarah Palin appearing to go down on John McCain thanks to a weird camera angle.)

Should she/we be more embarrassed about this distinction? Maybe! But like my good-humored friend's mom pointed out, she wishes she were #1 on Google for something, so it's really kind of an honor.

And if it's not porn, it's probably not getting searched for at all, truthfully. The #1 search result that leads to my blog is some variation on "porn on hulu". Indeed, I did recount how I accidentally found soft core content on Hulu five years ago, but it's not that exciting. With the whole sick internet available to you, you want to know where there's a flash of a boob on Hulu? Whatever floats your boat… but hopefully it's a trench-coated man stroking a doll arm attached to a woman dressed like David Carradine that does it for you, 'cause we actually got that here!

My Saddle's Waiting

Dancing Alone to Pony

With all due respect to veterans, let's take time to honor to the real heroes: each and every solo "Pony" dancer. 

Don't Stop Beilievin'

SoRrY dOn'T nOrMaLlY sHaRe StUfF lIkE tHiS, bUt I nEeD a HuGe FaVoR fRoM tHe BiG gUy.

I Guess You Know You've Made It When Buzzfeed Starts "Borrowing" Your Content

(It's cool, it's cool, at least it was attributed.)

Ted Steps Up

Yay, Ted! That's the spirit! Although to be fair, he's already been a pivotal figure for this blog since its inception.

Whether he's breaking calculators, getting cut off by an Olive Garden manager, playing AIDS charades, being registered on the internet as a child molester or just coming across as one, learning about nefarious composers, paying me a backhanded compliment, picking out cool dive bars, hiding my underwear, getting stalked by an old man, running around in a cardboard box, or commemorating Emma James, it's all been worth Babbling about.

Anyway, I'd like to officially thank Ted for all of his contributions thus far and hope that he lives up to his promise to be even worse. If Ted can do it, what's everyone else's excuse?

My 8th Blogiversary

It all started on August 1, 2005. Who'dda thunk this blog would still be standing 8 years later? Someone really ought to have told me by now that blogs are supposed to be things that people update for a few months before getting bored and forgetting about them. For some reason, I keep babbling on, however. That's not to say I haven't thought of shutting this place down. But then I remember that I've already disgraced myself plenty, so there's no point in trying to save face now.

As tradition dictates, here is a countdown of some of the more memorable posts of the past year:

15. The time I invented a fake Spanish penpal/girlfriend
14. The time I tried to watch an old musical and was appalled
13. The time I exposed Santa Claus as a fraudulent fuck
12. The time the hunted was hunted… and I hunted them both
11. The time I procured art that Ashton Kutcher had commissioned of himself
10. The time I was really grateful I'm not black
  9. The time I celebrated my 30th birthday with R. Kelly
  8. The time I published a love poem to my sister
  7. The time local police warned us to stay "safe"
  6. The time I met a one-armed mime
  5. The time I spoiled all of the Oscar Best Picture nominees
  4. The time a homeless man peed inside my car 
  3. The time I said all the wrong things when my friend told me she was pregnant
  2. The time I became obsessed with javelin impalements and skull-crushing shot puts.
  1. The time we accidentally threw an offensive party when the Pope died

Maybe I can make it to 10 years? We'll see. For that to work out, I'll probably need some new/crazier friends. As the archives demonstrate, in earlier years, I used to get into a lot more antics, which provided me with ample material of my stupidity. Now that we're all old and shit, there's a lot less buffoonery. It makes for a more sensible life, but a less entertaining blog, certainly.

Best of:

1st Year

2nd Year

3rd Year

4th Year

5th Year

6th Year

7th Year

BASTILLE

I meant to post about the band BASTILLE on Bastille Day, because that seemed like a cute thing to do, but since we don't actually acknowledge Bastille Day in America, it came and went without me remembering. Now if it's been 10 days since Bastille Day, but I still want to write about the band anyway.

I first mentioned the band on this blog a couple of years ago, but I only recently heard their music on American radio for the first time. Even though they've already hit it big in the UK, I couldn't be more excited to have a band make a dent over here because I can't get enough of them. Please make them a thing here.

BASTILLE records solid indie/alternative music, though the real draw for me is the singer's voice. You know how singing generally erases any sign of an accent, and it's not until you hear a vocalist do an interview that you're like, "Ohmguh, I didn't even think about the fact that she's Australian (etc.)"? Well that is not the case with Dan Smith. When he sings, you can't possibly miss his thick, hot British accent. It adds unique character. I want to be able to sing like that.

"Pompeii" is their current single and I really enjoy it. It's nearly as good "Flaws" which you should also be crazy about. And if you're all in (and please be so we can go see them in concert when they come back to LA in September) treat your ears to "Overjoyed" and "Icarus" as well.

Even if you're not in the mood for new original music, then you at least have to give BASTILLE's amazing cover of "What Would You Do?" a chance. If you've never realized the genius of City High's Lament-of-a-Prostitute, maybe it's because you haven't heard it in a British accent yet.

 

Eurovision 2013 Round-Up

Yesterday's Eurovision Song Contest was pretty bleeping amazing. Tell me this video of Romania's song isn't the most bizarre thing you've seen. Tell me, I dare you! It's been labelled "gay vampire ghost opera dubstep" and I suppose that's as good of a description as there will ever be for something that words cannot accurately describe.

But Romania was hardly the only WTF moment. Finland channeled her inner-bridezilla and ended her song with a lesbian smooch:


Greek men clad in kilts jammed and repeated the lyrics "Alcohol is free!" incessantly. (It's a message we can all get behind, anyway.):


This pretty Ukranian woman got carried onstage by an actual giant, sang about gravity, made weird hand motions to mimic a butterfly, and still ultimately finished in 3rd place:

Moldova screeched while wearing the most multi-functional dress you've ever seen:

And we picked up some "cool" "new" "dance moves" from both Belgium and Belarus.

About ten of us watched the festivities live together yesterday, and while Romania was obviously our collective favorite, our runner-up was the show's actual winner, Denmark:
I was smitten with the song within twenty seconds: a flute, those drums, a hot, purposefully disheveled young lady with perfectly messy hair and bare feet. All right, for me the appeal is admittedly half crush-based, but it's also half really catchy song. I might already own the MP3, even.

The runner-up was an astonishingly handsome man (hey, save some good genes for the rest of us) from Azerbaijan who probably had the best staging of the night. I don't care for the song, but I can't even make fun of it because I was just genuinely impressed with the effects:

I realize I write about Eurovision a lot for an American, but it is too funny/confounding of a ritual to not get excited about. Like, what was with this announcer who snuck in a plug for his new single and then gave control back to the main host who he referred to as "#MILF"? Man, I can't get enough: is it next year yet?

P.S., here are three honorable mentions that for obvious but not justifiable reasons were eliminated in the semi-final rounds:

• Montenegro (ASTRONAUT RAPPERS, GUYS!)
• Latvia (It's not an homage to the 80s, Latvia is just decades behind in trends.)
• Bulgaria (She wails, she drums, she's awesome.)

Hoodwinked

In elementary school, I thought I had an amazing rapport with one of my best friend's mom, mainly because she winked at me all the time. Pretty much anytime we exchanged words she'd give me a wink. It made me feel special because not only did she really seem to like me, but it was like we shared some kind of secret. Occasionally, I would wink back, but mostly I just smiled at her since it seemed a little excessive to wink after each sentence, even though I appreciated her commitment to the gesture.

By the time I reached junior high, I was a little wiser and more critical. I started picking up on the fact that she was not just winking at me, but everyone. It made me a little jealous that I might not be her favorite son's friend after all. I also found myself questioning the timing of the winking. Was me telling her what I was learning in English class really wink-worthy?

Then, while she sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper, I spied on her from the next room. She was just sitting there winking at nothing. It was then - and sadly only then - that it finally dawned on me that she wasn't winking… she was twitching. And while it's not to say that she's not friendly, it was humbling to realize that I had invented a special bond between the two of us based on a chronic facial tic.

It may be for the best since since our bond was never meant to last. This same mom got herself into soap opera-like drama a few years later. That's not a story I'm willing to blog about publicly, but that doesn't mean you couldn't ask me for that gossip in person. WINK! ; )

The 13 Most Ridiculous Songs of Eurovision 2013

Guys, Eurovision - Europe's annual trainwreckish competition to find the continent's best song - is just a month away, and I cannot contain my excitement. I've recapped previous years (2010, 2011, 2012) and now I am so stoked for 2013's competition that I compiled another video of my favorite Eurovision videos.


These songs are going to be so aw(some/ful… both simultaneously, really) live! I can't wait!

Here's some commentary on the videos:

13. GREECE - Kilted lads sing a repetitive chorus that is probably wishful thinking. Wait, how much is alcohol again?
12. MOLDOVA - Such subtle pyrotechnics. I don't wear dresses, but if I did, I'd want hers.
11. ALBANIA - It's like if Napoleon Dynamite's Kip grew out his hair and started smoking.
10. SWEDEN - I'm not sure he hit that note as well as he thinks he did. Ouch.
9. RUSSIA - The song has such hackneyed, sappy lyrics ("What if we chose to bury our guns?") and yet the CROWD STILL GOES WILD!!! WOOOOOOOO!!
8. MONTENEGRO - Boobs, rappers in hazmat suits, and some sweet dance moves. I'm into it.
7. LITHUANIA - Holy amateur hour dude. Your song and vocal abilities are as poor as your eyebrows.
6. FINLAND - Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't gotten hitched yet.
5. BELARUS - My, what lovely bulging eyes you have.
4. UKRAINE - The song is fairly unremarkable but the bubbles, crystals, and unicorns are a nice touch.
3. BULGARIA - Between the wailing, the stick thumping, and whatever that bag instrument is, I'm captivated.
2. LATVIA - Hello, 1980s! I thought I laughed a lot when the unbuttoned jacket guy rubs his friend's head, but that was nothing compared to when the faux-hawk man scats synthesizer noises and the audience sways their arms along to the jam.
1. ROMANIA - This one is expected to do quite well at Eurovision and I just don't get it. That voice is so shrill. It's kind of impressive that he can do that, but I don't' want to hear it for more than a couple of seconds, let alone a whole song. Europe, I don't understand your musical taste - and I don't ever want to! It'd take all the fun out of it.

We'll probably have another viewing party at my place for the finals on May 18, so mark your calendars.

Accidental Racist

I've brought up "Accidental Racist", the misguided Brad Paisley/LL Cool J collaboration, every chance I get the past couple of days. It's easily the most fascinating thing to come out of pop culture this year. On the one hand, we have two prominent entertains singing a discussion about race relations, which is pretty important. On the other hand, the words they choose to articulate these thoughts just unintentionally wind up highlighting their own ignorance on the subject.

I wanted to blog about it immediately, but I decide to save my thoughts for a proper article on Care2. So go read "'Accidental Racist' Song Is, Well, Accidentally Racist." Since it's for the masses, it's a little less mean and sarcastic than something you'd read here, but you can throw in your "Dumbass!" after I mention that LL Cool J raps the lines, "If you don't judge my gold chains/I'll forget the iron chains."

The song is filled with "Why the hell did you say that?!" lines like that, and since "Brad Paisley's 'Accidental Racist': LL Cool J's 10 Craziest Lyrics" has already been written, I'd like to offer up a list of the crazy comments I received on my article instead:

• "GET A LIFE AND QUIT JUDGING THE SONG. ITS A SONG FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE !! EITHER ENJOY IT OR DON'T LISTEN TO IT. I for one think the song is bluesy and is AWESOME!! I really like Brad Pasley. It seems to me that everyone including the writers for care 2 has to put a negative spin on every little thing. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION. GET OVER IT!!" - Judy [Everyone gets to have an opinion except for me, y'all, and Judy is not about to get over it!] 
• "Ever since the Oprah Show went away, I have been watching Ellen and loving every minute of it. She is so open, kind and funny, so I was shocked when she had this dude on her show, after he won some dopey award. What was she trying to prove? That she's open to all opinions and ideas??? Because it doesn't work for me, and I'm actually going to write and tell her!" - Linda [She'll love to hear from you, Linda.]
• "BTW Mr. Matthews your point about iron chains and gold chains may have some merit but you need to expand your thinking. The Do rags and the gold chains came from the gang culture. Gang culture is oppressive to anyone outside the gang." - Michael [Consider my mind expanded.]
• "Instead of dissecting every word and phrase, don't forget, (things need to rhyme in a song, sometimes) it's just like gifts. It's the thought that counts." - Michelle [Apparently, however, the thoughts on their thoughts don't count. Those aren't gifts at all.]
• "Leave Brad Paisley alone, please. He is my favorite singer and he should not be punished for a song he wrote." - Laura [He's her favorite singer, guys.]
• "To understand family experience in the south, where wmen and chi,dren were raped, and killed, all stock stolen and the homes and field burnt to the ground, slabves did not run to the union army, they hid just the everyone else." - Bill [Yeah, why isn't anyone remembering that sometimes the "slabves" fought back against those poor plantation owners?]
• "The song's not bad. The guy can sing, the music carries well the emotional message. I'm more of a metal fan, but even I can see some musical value to the song." - Genevieve [Ew.]
• "When will people learn to leave well enough alone.Do we really need to be reminded of the bygone days of injustice ??? I think not." - Kay [Yeah, why are we even still mentioning slavery?]
• "Just because some one thinks something is raciest in their view means that some who appreciates it for some other reason is a raciest." - Ernie [Can't argue with that because I don't know how.]
• "Hope you all realize that this song is meant to be a tearjerker and for EVERYONE to realize the history of events still goes on in peoples' minds. IT IS SUCH A BRILLIANT song! Makes me cry every time and I have listened to it over and over again. People who are judging this song as wrong, well, they are wrong, and/or are still racist. BEST SONG WRITTEN EVER! Brad Paisley is one of "thee" best country writers ever!" - Roseann [Not seeing the ignorance is one thing, but thinking this song is the best written ever is downright disconcerting. She has listened to it, right?]
• "The epitome of racist is millions of black Americans voting for a man simply because he is black and not considering experience, ability or knowledge." - Bruce [Because an article like this was sure to bring the bigots out.]
• "Racism is a thing of the past." - Bob [Sorry, I take that last comment back. Bruce can't be racist since racism doesn't exist anymore apparently.]
• "I'm not offended and I'm white." - Marilyn [We've all been waiting for a white person's opinion on this, and now we have it.]
• "As for him wearing the confederate flag, maybe he likes the pattern of it… This is the most skewed article I've seen on Care2. Could the author kindly contact both gentlemen and get an interview, instead of extrapolating their thoughts. [Later, in a subsequent comment] I have red swastikas in my home and often wonder if a Jewish person were to visit me, what their reaction would be?" - Quanta [Brad's not a racist, he's an art aficionado - one I should interview, no less. While we wait for that, I'm going to scratch my head and ponder how a Jewish person would feel in your house.] 

Look, I'm an academic at heart. I majored in English and Media studies - I like analyzing texts and discussing their cultural impact. Most plebs on the internet don't like that, though, and constantly tell me if I don't like it just not to listen to it. But there is value in discussing these these things and reaching a higher understand.

And that's why, ultimate, I still give some credit to Paisley and Cool J. They're trying to talk it out and raise the collective consciousness. They've got a way to go just as we all have a way to go (and how can you argue that after seeing those comments?) and we're definitely not going to get there if the ignorant people are being complacently ignorant.

Adoring a Murderer

A couple of people have called me a Christopher Dorner supporter after my previous post, so I feel the need to clarify: I’m not. While I support the truth, which I suspect Dorner was trying to bring forward, I most definitely do not support murder. My point was to discuss the duality – there’s both good and evil in most people. I wouldn’t blame anyone for disregarding his words following his deeds, but murder doesn’t automatically invalidate every point he was trying to make. Inevitably, that complicates the black and white way we try to look at the world.

Admittedly, I took particular offense to being called Dorner’s #1 fan after going through something similar last month. After Facebook suggested I friend Aurora shooter James Holmes, I made a faux-outraged post on Tumblr. My best guess is that since I had mentioned Holmes’s name in an article I wrote for work a week prior, the scary spying nature of the internet stored that info and figured I “knew him.”

But being accused of knowing Holmes wasn’t the actual disturbing part. It was the response from legitimate Holmes aficionados. A handful of (I think) teenage girls liked/reblogged my post including:

• AgoraphobicHousewife 
• AntiquatedEyes 
• BondSherlockBlond
• RedactedGirl 

Add “.tumblr.com” to the end of each of these handles to see their blogs. I’m not linking to them directly because I don’t want our blogs to synch.

Apparently there’s a whole web community of Holmes fans. Many of them have legitimate crushes on the guy, like he were Justin Bieber or something. Each day, they discuss him, post pictures of him, and pledge undying loyalty to the guy.

I can’t begin to solidify my feelings on this matter. Some of them have some interesting things to say about the way our society demonizes people with mental illness, but I don’t get the leap to worshipping a murderer. Frankly, it’s creepy. I don’t understand it and probably don’t even want to understand it, so in that respect, I can see why people were standoffish at my attitude toward Dorner.

Maybe they, too, are exploring feelings of duality, or rage, or being misunderstood. Or maybe they just find him cute? Above all, I’d just like to give these girls a hug and help them find a better way to harness this passion.

Valentine's Day Cards for Activists

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 I say that not because I give a shit, but in an act of self-promotion. For my job, I made a bunch of Valentine’s Day cards specifically for activists and you should read them all and send them as e-cards (it’s free and easy!) to your crush. Because really - if you care about someone who doesn’t care about saving the world - you’re probably an idiot yourself.

17 Thoughts about the Grammys

I watched the Grammys and here are 17 thoughts I had. It's kind of like a live-blog, except that I'm turning it in late. You can dock 10% from my grade. 

1. LL Cool J gave a lengthy, self-indulgent speech about himself to open the Grammys that he had planned to deliver at last year's ceremony, but scrapped when Whitney Houston died. It's a shame another high-profile singer didn't die today so we could have skipped it this year, too.

2. "Why give a diamond when you can give the family jewels? CBS cares." I know it's not technically the Grammys, but this PSA encouraging men to give themselves a self-check for testicular cancer on Valentine's Day as a gift for their significant other is pretty laughable. "Hey honey, I cancelled our dinner reservations and just figured I'd fondle my balls for you instead. I love you."

3. The newly instituted Grammy Dress Code is the result of Lena Dunham's attendance, isn't it?

4. Why is the music the Grammys play to get winners to wrap up their speeches the most horrible instrumental song ever? In a room with over 1,000 musicians, they're using a song that elevator companies would reject.

5. Jay-Z mouthing "You're welcome" after the band fun. thanked him for no reason is the only GIF I'm gonna need from tonight.

6. I'm not sure you can call Johnny Depp a "presenter" when he refuses to say more than seven words. He also should stay clear of describing a band as "sublime" because it inevitably leads to disappointment when the band is not, in fact, Sublime.

7. When I see Sting's wife in the audience, I can't help but sympathize for a woman who has her husband on top of her for six hours at a time.

8. Everyone secretly knows that "Suit and Tie" isn't a good song, right? My theory is that people have just missed Justin Timberlake music so much that they're pretending to like it so that they don't hurt his feelings and make him disappear forever.

9. I swear, both Pauley Perrette and Kaley Cuoco will show up to any event with a camera. I don't watch their shows, yet I still end up seeing them making "appearances" on a weekly basis.

10. I'll have whatever Kelly Clarkson's drinking.

11. Watching Melissa Etheridge in the audience chant "ho. hey." along to the Lumineers's song is cute; seeing Taylor Swift do the same is not.

12. Stop trying to make the phrase "#GrammyMoment" happen. Not every subpar Rihanna vocal is automatically some magical "Grammy Moment." And when you say "Carrie Underwood is about to make a Grammy moment," my first thought is that it's a euphemism for a bowel movement.

13. When Elton John referenced the Sandy Hook kids' lives ending too soon as he sat behind a piano, I was afraid he'd be break into "Candle in the Wind". That man will milk that song for any occasion.

14. Yo, Kimbra: when Prince - a man who was wearing jewels instead of a shirt - gives you the side-eye because of your gaudy dress, you know you've gone over-the-top.

15. On the one hand, it was kind of embarrassing watching Mavis Staples try to dominate her collaboration with gratuitous ad-libs during the "in memoriam" song. On the other hand, it must be hard for her to cope with the fact that she's just a year away from being one of the deceased honorees.

16. Even though I listen to that song on the daily, Frank Ocean's performance of "Forrest Gump" was the worst of the night. But I'm still glad he beat Chris Brown, which, as I understand, is the opposite of what happened a couple of weeks ago.

17. Oops, I'm taking back my "worst performance of the night" comment - didn't realize that LL Cool J insisted on closing the show with a rap as well. Ladies may Love Cool James, but I'd just assume not see him anymore… outside of a Deep Blue Sea sequel.

White Privilege and Macklemore

ramou: Finding other people who aren’t on Macklemore’s dick has, so far, been my favorite part of 2013. #THAT SONG IS SOME PRIVILEGED BULLSHIT AND CAN SUCK MY TEAT

I rarely disagree with Ramou, but I have to take exception in this case. My beef is actually with the Spin article that is contained in her link. I read that piece yesterday and could not get behind his thesis at all.

I like Macklemore a bunch, but truthfully I don’t care for “Thrift Shop.” The song is an anomaly on his album and anyone who likes/dislikes the artist based on this single has a very incomplete understanding of his music. He made a silly radio-friendly single, which I guess you can fault him for if you want, but that’s standard practice in contemporary music.



“Thrift Shop” is tongue-in-cheek! Playful! The lyrics are too ridiculous (“I wear your granddad’s clothes/I look incredible”) for him not to be spoofing on hipster culture. Rather than being “above” hipsters, however, he’s essentially embodying hipster culture by both participating and mocking simultaneously. Yeah the young audience that propelled the song to #1 probably reads it as literal, but I’ve similarly known people who don’t pick up on the obvious oral sex references in Flo Rida’s “Whistle” - that’s just the mainstream’s relationship to pop music for you.

It’s important to discuss white privilege on the regular, but I wouldn’t make Macklemore a main target of these conversations. He’s an intelligent man who raps about white privilege in his songs (check out the lyrics to “Claiming the City” and “A Wake”). He’s not only aware, he ruminates on the topic. If Brandon Soderberg thinks that a white guy can’t rap about thrift stores because he doesn’t understand the associated hardships of shopping at Goodwill, then maybe he’d agree that a white, liberal-arts educated man shouldn’t be covering hip hop for Spin. (Nah, he probably wouldn’t. Ride the privilege that helped get you that gig, Soderberg!)

Ultimately, even if “Thrift Shop” isn’t too my personal taste, I like the fact that there is now an anthem for thrifting. I am all about second-hand economies (so much that I’ve been trying to mainstream the phrase “second-hand economies” for years) and would love it if this song inspired people to buy more used goods. Firsthand consumerism is a system that generally fuels the already rich and depletes the earth’s resources. I buy used whenever practical out of a sense of social responsibility and community. I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t also get a thrill out of finding cheap and/or ironic things like Macklemore’s song references, but if more people got the same high from dropping $2 on a secondhand treasure as they do from putting themselves in credit card debt on material goods, then I view that as a positive. Maybe that’s just the opinion of a white privileged hipster, but if it is, I’m going to own it.

5 Offensive Christmas Songs You Should Stop Singing

5 Offensive Christmas Songs You Should Stop Singing

I was really excited about this article I wrote because it gave me a chance to muse on some Christmas songs I think have some funky lyrics. I utilized a lot of outraged hyperbole, in part to poke fun at liberals - myself included - who can be overly politically correct at times. 

But you guys, the internet hates me now. There are over 100 comments saying some pretty mean things about me. Like, they HATE me for this article. Basically, they're accusing me of being too PC and an idiot who took all the fun out of the songs. They're taking it at face value. So in one sense, I was successful in my satire, but then maybe I was TOO successful because very few people are reading the humor into it. Heaven forbid you gave them a copy of "A Modest Proposal". 

I mean, in actuality, I only sort of have problems with "Baby It's Cold Outside" (if not outright date rapey, it's definitely creepy) and "Do They Know It's Christmas" (which I've ranted about before.) The other three I was just being obnoxious about - I mean who REALLY would be SUPER UPSET at "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?"? 

But forget Christmas music, I need a straight up Emo soundtrack for my life right now. I FEEL SO MISUNDERSTOOD. 

Vote for Big Bird

This weekend, I wrote two things for Care2 that I want to share:

9 Things Mitt Romney Could Learn from Big Bird

I think I watched more Sesame Street preparing this article than I did as a child. It is sort of alarming how many people took such a tongue-in-cheek piece so seriously. Like, duh, I realize there are plenty of flaws in my argument that if Big Bird didn't know he liked the taste of apples until he tried it, then maybe Romney would be in favor of legalizing marijuana if he tried it; I just thought it would be funny to say it. What I did take seriously was:

The Case for Not Voting

It's a controversial idea, and perhaps even a dangerous one, but I think it needed to be shared. I take voting so seriously, and yet I hate our system, and it wasn't until super recently I ever had my mind blown and wondered: why am I still participating, then? For the record, I still intend to vote. But I will no longer fault people who have principled reasons for not doing so. 

The commenters have crucified me, and I expected that. I never expected the opinion I shared - which wasn't even my own, necessarily, would be popular. I also think many of them didn't even read the article. They just saw someone suggesting not voting and freaked out, like all American citizens are taught to do. VOTE! YOUR VOTE COUNTS! IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIX THINGS (even though the problems just seem to be escalating) AND IF YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY CASTING A VOTE FOR EVIL (oh, and by the way, you have to vote for the lesser of two evils). 

I got accused of being an undercover Republican strategist a few times. (Ha, clearly they didn't read the Big Bird article.) More frustratingly, about 30% of the comments were some variation on "If you don't vote, you don't get to complain." And what if you're complaining about the very system of voting in the first place? You still have to vote? I'm still going to vote, but we need to acknowledge that voting once or twice a year is literally the smallest way to be politically active. And if that's your one contribution, then all the otherwise active non-voters have way more of a right to complain about you.

Anyway, the point of the article was not to convince people not to vote, but to incite a discussion. It's too bad people won't even entertain other points of view.

Go and Eat a Turnip, Eurovision 2010

Yes, this is another Eurovision post. I can't help it, I love Eurovision. If "Gangnam Style" can catch on so big in the States, I have hope that they can transfer that same love to the ridiculousness of Eurovision, too. Plus, I'd feel a lot better if you were laughing at silly white people instead of the Korean guy because I suspect that a lot of "Gangnam Style"'s American appeal lies in racial stereotypes of how we view Asians.

So yeah, laugh at these wacky Europeans instead! I went back and watched the entries from the year 2010 and picked the ten most amusing. Oh they make me laugh, especially the last few. Most of these songs made the finals, too!

The biggest kick I get out of posting these videos on YouTube are the inevitable angry comments left by Europeans. Many of them - or, you know, those who are searching for the songs on YouTube - take Eurovision very seriously and don't have a sense of humor about these cruddy pop songs. 

For my 2012 video, the "dislike" votes outnumber the likes 4:1. The majority of the comments said "[X Country]'s song is not ridiculous!" But some ventured from the standard gripe, here are my 5 favorite:

5. "They are great and everybody should respect them." - MoonFighter456

4. "I think Eurovision is AWSOME ! Beautiful people expressing themselves in a beautiful way ! … it's not easy to perform on stage, in front of the whole of Europe ." - blackforestmozart

3. "So someone hasn't cottoned onto the fact the eurovision is kinda taken with a pinch of salt in Europe… and half those songs are actually pretty good." - tylerwhyde (He had me until the second part)

2. "I knew before watching that I gonna click dislike." - wantwatchvideo

1. "Oh please… the ESC has its lesser moments, but it's a good musical contest, and if you don't like it mr. kevinbabbles from the US (?), go and eat a turnip!" - Bogdy BBA

GO AND EAT A TURNIP! That is my new favorite insult hurled at me ever. You can be sure I'm going to start saying it to people I know in a moment of frustration. It's almost as ridiculous as the songs themselves. Almost.