CharAIDS

Shooting the breeze on the night before everyone departs for winter break, my friends and I break into an impromptu game of CharAIDS. CharAIDS is just like charades, but you have to act out someone who either has AIDS or died of it. As you might expect, Magic Johnson is the first performance. Next, Amelia acts out a painter. No one can remember the painter’s name other than “that artist with AIDS.” As it turns out, Amelia doesn’t actually recall the artist’s identity either, so we clap and move on. Excitedly, Ted hops from his seat and pantomimes dribbling a basketball. “We already did Magic Johnson” the crowd heckles, so Ted sits down, looking no less dejected than had he just discovered he was HIV positive himself. A long pause ensues. If AIDS is really killing so many people, how come we can’t think of any? Maybe the AIDS epidemic is as much an exaggeration as the Holocaust.

Finally, I recall the Real World activist Pedro and take a turn. “One word.” “Two syllables!” “Second syllable!” “Boat?” “Row?” “Row!” “First syllable.” “Money?” “Buy?” “Pay?” “Pay!” “Pay-row?” “Payro?” “What’s Payro?” If you were to attach the proper equipment to me, I could generate electricity from my furiously spinning hands. At last, Lacey guesses Pedro. “Who?” From the Real World, I say indignantly. A light bulb goes off in Mike’s head. “Sounds like… sex… fuck… Puck!” Puck didn’t have AIDS, I groan. “Sure he did,” Mike retorts. “They got grossed out at him for sticking his fingers in the peanut butter ‘cause he had AIDS.” Firstly, they were mad at him because he had been picking his nose. Secondly, AIDS from a peanut butter jar? Could it be more obvious that Mike went to Catholic high school?

After a brief hiatus, we try CharLupus. Seal. Mercedes from America’s Next Top Model. And… we’re out. No one else has Lupus? Previously, my perception was that diseased celebrities can’t sit still (Michael J. Fox, I’m looking at you) and have to promote their own causes. Clearly, however, they’re not working hard enough if our games are so lacking for subjects.

Maybe next time we should play CharParisHilton. Instead of guessing the person, we’ll guess Paris’s diseases. That might keep us going all night.