August 1, 2005. Who'dda thunk this blog would still be standing 8 years later? Someone really ought to have told me by now that blogs are supposed to be things that people update for a few months before getting bored and forgetting about them. For some reason, I keep babbling on, however. That's not to say I haven't thought of shutting this place down. But then I remember that I've already disgraced myself plenty, so there's no point in trying to save face now.
As tradition dictates, here is a countdown of some of the more memorable posts of the past year:
15. The time I invented a fake Spanish penpal/girlfriend
14. The time I tried to watch an old musical and was appalled
13. The time I exposed Santa Claus as a fraudulent fuck
12. The time the hunted was hunted… and I hunted them both
11. The time I procured art that Ashton Kutcher had commissioned of himself
10. The time I was really grateful I'm not black
9. The time I celebrated my 30th birthday with R. Kelly
8. The time I published a love poem to my sister
7. The time local police warned us to stay "safe"
6. The time I met a one-armed mime
5. The time I spoiled all of the Oscar Best Picture nominees
4. The time a homeless man peed inside my car
3. The time I said all the wrong things when my friend told me she was pregnant
2. The time I became obsessed with javelin impalements and skull-crushing shot puts.
1. The time we accidentally threw an offensive party when the Pope died
Maybe I can make it to 10 years? We'll see. For that to work out, I'll probably need some new/crazier friends. As the archives demonstrate, in earlier years, I used to get into a lot more antics, which provided me with ample material of my stupidity. Now that we're all old and shit, there's a lot less buffoonery. It makes for a more sensible life, but a less entertaining blog, certainly.