"HIDE" Your "Valuables"

As an established grammar nerd, I've long enjoyed laughing at the use of gratuitous quotation marks. I've taken pictures of signs and more signs that demonstrate how some people don't understand how quotation marks are meant to be used.

Near my neighborhood, there is an electronic sign that is run by one such person. Months ago, the sign advertised "Free" English classes, which I thought was actually a cruel prank considering that non-native speakers aren't as likely to know that "free" actually comes with a cost. (To steal a patriotic phrase, "Free"dom isn't free.) 

More recently, the sign programmer has upped his or her game with a new warning from the Los Angeles Police Department:

Yeah, the quotation marks are probably meant for emphasis, but it's laugh out loud funny when you read it dripping with sarcasm instead.

"Don't" be a "Victim"       [Translation: Please be a "victim." Victim should always be in quotation marks because you brought it upon yourself. Quit your whining and take some accountability.]  
"Lock" your Vehicle       [Translation: Or just leave your door wide open, see if we care. I'm surprised Vehicle isn't in quotations either, CAN YOU EVEN CALL THAT PIECE OF SHIT YOU DRIVE A CAR?]
"HIDE" your "Valuables"       [Translation: Just leave your crap lying around. As if you have anything of "value" worth stealing, you impoverished fucks.]

Then again, if the quotation marks are included intentionally to point out that LAPD doesn't actually care about you, then I'd say this message is spot on.

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