Hulu Recommendations

Did anyone know that there’s porn on Hulu?

After I watched the latest episode of The Daily Show on Hulu one morning, I wanted something else to put on in the background while I washed a huge pile of dishes, so I went to the “recently added” television episode section to see what else was available. The newest content were episodes from a series called The Red Shoe Diaries. It looked to be like some sort of cheesy soap opera from the 80s, so I gave it a shot in the hopes that it would yield a laugh. Ten minutes in, I wasn’t laughing or even paying much attention, but then I looked up from the sink and saw a lot of breast and simulated sex on the screen. I guess since I was already logged-in to my Hulu account, I didn’t need to do some sort of age-verification and WHAM! Surprise! Soft-core porn. It’s one thing if I’m seeking that sort of thing out, but to have it appear without warning is a little disconcerting. I ultimately found it amusing, of course, but I imagine there’s plenty of people who accidentally stumbled upon it as well and found the content offensive.

And yeah, I understand if you’re thinking, “Sure… you ‘accidentally’ found porn” (which, notably, I’ve done before), but that’s really how it happened and it caught me off guard. After drying my hands, (I was washing dishes, remember!) I researched The Red Shoe Diaries and learned it was an erotically-themed show with ties to Playboy. Better yet, each episode is introduced by David Duchovny!

I showed my discovery to Lindsay later that night, and we chose to watch an episode featuring Matt LeBlanc, aka Joey from Friends. Alas, LeBlanc does not have sex in the episode, but it was still delightful to see him in some low-budget porn, which I’m pretty sure was once a plotline on Friends. Ah, art imitating life. Despite being outlandish, it’s still fairly boring, but if you’re intrigued, check it out:



Hulu’s selection of movies is notoriously awful, but I continually check back to see if something good slips through the cracks. I first found The First Time by looking through the Horror and Suspense genre, where it clearly has been incorrectly categorized. Before I gave up on it entirely, however, I read the description: “At a summer resort, some teenage boys are drawn to a woman without a passport, whom they mistakenly identify as a prostitute. Under the imagined spell of her ‘allure,’ they help her cross the border.” From what I assumed about the film, it seemed like it could be wildly offensive. Of course the boys would figure that an attractive Mexican woman was a prostitute! As a southern California resident, I was mostly curious about how a film from 1969 would portray illegal border crossing, especially while simultaneously having an American Pie slant, so I gave it a shot. Unfortunately, my assumptions were pretty off. The tamed down American Pie part was correct, but the boys actually help an ambiguously Russian woman cross through the Canadian border, which was not scandalous enough for my taste. I suspect the tourism board for Niagra Falls made this film since half of it features montages of the characters engaging in local tourist activities while waiting to get laid.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t much recommend this one either, but if you want to see something dull and bordering (pun!) on campy, you could give it a try:



For something that is actually campy and legitimately fits into the horror/suspense genre, I have two real recommendations for you:

Frogs is one of those early environmental pieces where nature, as a singular entity, fights back against the big bad polluters who also happen to be a wealthy plantation family, so, you know, they’re doubly evil, and really deserve having wildlife attack them repeatedly. If you’re wondering how ravaging frogs could possibly be frightening, that is precisely what makes this movie so enjoyable. If you’re into a minimal storyline with countless undeveloped characters dying in ludicrous ways while the family’s patriarch insists that everyone continue to celebrate his birthday no matter how many of their relatives croak (another pun!), then Frogs is for you.



Empire of the Ants is another great Hulu-found B-movie where creatures attack. Have you ever wondered what would happen if large mutant ants killed and enslaved the human population? Duh. The special effects are nothing short of laughable -- take this screen grab of ants boarding a boat as an example. WE CAN’T EVEN ESCAPE THE ANTS BY SEA! The token old couple, lamenting an impending death by ants, utters my favorite line: “Sigh. All we wanted was to enjoy what was left of our lives. Is that bad?” Yup, that’s bad. There’s no time to enjoy retirement with ants on the loose!



In short, skip Hulu’s pornographic content and go straight for the cheesy “horror” movies you could never find in a video store. There’s a reason they’re practically giving the rights away to Hulu: they suck... AND these films are too amazing not to be shared.