The 13 Most Ridiculous Songs of Eurovision 2013

Guys, Eurovision - Europe's annual trainwreckish competition to find the continent's best song - is just a month away, and I cannot contain my excitement. I've recapped previous years (2010, 2011, 2012) and now I am so stoked for 2013's competition that I compiled another video of my favorite Eurovision videos.

These songs are going to be so aw(some/ful… both simultaneously, really) live! I can't wait!

Here's some commentary on the videos:

13. GREECE - Kilted lads sing a repetitive chorus that is probably wishful thinking. Wait, how much is alcohol again?
12. MOLDOVA - Such subtle pyrotechnics. I don't wear dresses, but if I did, I'd want hers.
11. ALBANIA - It's like if Napoleon Dynamite's Kip grew out his hair and started smoking.
10. SWEDEN - I'm not sure he hit that note as well as he thinks he did. Ouch.
9. RUSSIA - The song has such hackneyed, sappy lyrics ("What if we chose to bury our guns?") and yet the CROWD STILL GOES WILD!!! WOOOOOOOO!!
8. MONTENEGRO - Boobs, rappers in hazmat suits, and some sweet dance moves. I'm into it.
7. LITHUANIA - Holy amateur hour dude. Your song and vocal abilities are as poor as your eyebrows.
6. FINLAND - Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't gotten hitched yet.
5. BELARUS - My, what lovely bulging eyes you have.
4. UKRAINE - The song is fairly unremarkable but the bubbles, crystals, and unicorns are a nice touch.
3. BULGARIA - Between the wailing, the stick thumping, and whatever that bag instrument is, I'm captivated.
2. LATVIA - Hello, 1980s! I thought I laughed a lot when the unbuttoned jacket guy rubs his friend's head, but that was nothing compared to when the faux-hawk man scats synthesizer noises and the audience sways their arms along to the jam.
1. ROMANIA - This one is expected to do quite well at Eurovision and I just don't get it. That voice is so shrill. It's kind of impressive that he can do that, but I don't' want to hear it for more than a couple of seconds, let alone a whole song. Europe, I don't understand your musical taste - and I don't ever want to! It'd take all the fun out of it.

We'll probably have another viewing party at my place for the finals on May 18, so mark your calendars.

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