Shaq Attack

I’m wearing my Shaquille O’Neal backpack. It’s the first day of classes, so I have to look my best. Stacy told me that she saw a Shaq notebook at the store yesterday and almost bought it for me, but decided against it because it was $5. Five dollars?! That’s, like, five Enrique Iglesias mousepads at the 99 Cent store!

Besides, more Shaq paraphernalia might be overkill. It’s not like I legitimately like the guy. But it might be funny if I bought Shaq-related clothing, listened to Shaq’s rap CDs, and brought up Shaq in conversation all the time. “Lunch looks great! Almost as great as that time Shaq scored 61 points against the Clippers in 2000.” “That was an interesting point about Affirmative Action. Did you know Shaq wears a size 22EEE shoe?” Soon enough, everyone on campus would refer to me as “that weird, short kid who really likes Shaq.” Finally, I’d have an identity. And no friends.