At Least It's Not a Jehova's Witness

At work, I noticed a sign hanging on the front desk: "When Satan knocks on your door, simply say, 'Jesus, can you get that for me?'"

Huh? In itself, it's a weird message. The kicker, however, is that it's taped right next to the button used to buzz in people who knock on the door. When does Satan show up at my office? Does the devil don business attire? Perhaps it's some kind of insinuation about the heathen employees here that are buzzed in daily. I'm friendly, I say hello each morning, so that sign better have nothing to do with me. I'd be more offended, though, if it turned out Jesus really were buzzing me in. The front desk person gets paid, more than me, mind you, just to answer the phone and buzz people in. It's downright lazy to make Jesus share in that workload!

I googled "when Satan knocks" to see if this slogan was a common phrase (though no less crazy) or unique to my office. That's when I met Mz. Buttascotch, who also uses Jesus as a doorman, but more importantly Crunks for Christ, has made one righteously bitchin' website, and makes me swoon. All my life, I've been searching for a W.O.G. (woman of God) and not just one of those "trendy Christians," but I must agree with her that though I'm cute, I'm not cute enuff to cost her her salvation. Though I know it can never be, nothing will stop me from holla-ing at her. Ever.