A Housewarming Event

Last night, I was rather apprehensive. It was the first time I officially brought company over to my new digs. The place still isn’t clean; it looks like my storage boxes threw up in random piles around the carpet. The gang came over to watch the telly, but I hadn’t even set it up yet, so it nearly turned into a disaster when the station came in static-y. (You wouldn’t believe the monster Amelia turns into when she can’t get her “Big Brother” fix.)

We played with the antenna for a long time, attaching enough wire hangers to abort an entire maternity ward, before accidentally discovering that the channel came in best while resting against my crotch. While my genitals played a prime role in getting reception, it was truly a team effort, because if anybody moved, it would start to fuzz out, thus we instituted a policy of sitting absolutely still except during commercial breaks.

Throughout the show, people complained of being cold. I took these gripes as a good sign, because last night was the first occasion the air conditioning actually worked. It wasn’t until everyone left that I realized that, for whatever reason, the thermostat was set for 50 degrees.

I don’t anticipate having company again anytime soon.