Twice As Fun As a Unicycle

I have a new pair of wheels. Every semester, Pitzer raffles off bicycles on loan, and after five unsuccessful tries in the past three years, I am the proud temporary owner of a used bike.

What's funny is that at The Price Is Right, I didn't even flinch when some other "Kevin" was told to come on down, but I trembled with excitement just from hearing the "K" sound when "Katherine" was called for a bike, because, truthfully, the bike meant so much more to me than a crystal chandelier. Once my name was called for real, I hooted, hollered, and got weak at the knees. Hopefully, those knees will be strengthened from my intense bike riding.

Quick, which bike do I choose? This one has flames painted on it, but I need gears since I have a hilly ride. This one doesn't have a kickstand. This one looks like it might mangle my testicles if I go over a bump. This one is red, which used to be my favorite color when I was younger and stupider, but it lacks a cushiony seat to provide the support I need should I accidentally swallow a staple again. This one is green and I have no snippy comment to make about it. Green it is!