How Did I Eat That?

Yesterday, my asshole was feeling raw, for which I had no explanation. In time, I had to poop, where upon I discovered the problem: I had passed a staple. When the poop landed in the toilet, a small piece containing the staple broke apart from the larger poop mass, revealing it to me in an intentional manner, as if it were a sign from god announcing, “Hey, dumby, you digested a staple.”

I don’t know when I swallowed a staple or how it went unnoticed, especially since I can’t even swallow pills. In elementary school we made fun of the Down’s syndrome kids who’d eat paste in art class, but at least they weren’t dumb enough to snack on something sharp that undoubtedly tore up my innards while passing through my body.

While the problem was now understood, it was not yet solved, as my hole still hurt. Alice offered up her prescription butt medicine that we will agree not to make fun of her for having since she came to my aid. It was a steroid gel that needed to be inserted into my hole and squirted.

Being afraid, I asked Raumene for help. He put a condom over his hand for protection, and went about ramming that thing up my butt. It was an awkward sensation; I have the weirdest life ever.

The only problem is that the steroid gel didn’t want to stay in there. When I pooped shortly after, it emptied out, so I had to refill. Again, ahhhh. An hour after that, I farted: those boxers needed to be washed. Let’s try this one more… eeeeehhhhh… time.

This morning I woke up feeling fine; the steroids worked. Also, you wouldn’t believe the things I’m able to clench between my cheeks: I now have the strongest ass in town.