Hay, Don't Eat That

Having a bicycle is awesome, except in cases of thunderstorms. Riding on my way to lunch, I became drenched by the rain and covered in spots of mud that flew up at me as my tires rotated. Already I looked like a disaster, having chosen to wear my American flag pajama pants, which I also call my “fuck-it” pants. That’s not meant as a political statement, rather it’s just my term for pants I wear when it’s gloomy and I especially don’t care what I look like. Then again, by showing up in patriotic apparel that’s soaking wet, covered in dirt, and features a big tear down the leg, I can’t imagine anyone would not take it as an indictment of my country.

At the cafeteria, a strange display of produce inexplicably appeared in the center of the floor. Intrigued by the attractive arrangement of crates, students tried to take the lush peaches, cauliflower, and the like, but were stopped by guards who said the food was not for taking. Apparently, fruits and vegetables are like strippers: you can look, but you can’t touch. Teases! According to the guards, the stand was supposed to serve as an announcement that more organic produce is being served in the cafeteria. Well, technically, they weren’t serving it today, but sometime in the future, we hope. For crying out loud, it’s a cafeteria, not a museum; people were coming to eat the food, not enjoy its aesthetic values.

Bails of hay sat alongside the exhibit. RJ and Amelia suggested I ask if the hay was off-limits for taking as well. Rather than asking, I just took a piece of straw and put it in my mouth, confounding the guards. Suddenly, I was face to face with the dining hall manager, who gave the oddest look to me, this hick in wet, dirty clothes.

Returning to the cafeteria an hour later, I was somewhat apprehensive because some of the employees would surely recognize me as the “kid who eats hay.” Much to my embarrassment, they had already addressed that problem. Though the display was still there, the hay had been removed. Seems like we’re not allowed to eat that either.