Frugality

A friend commented that ey has noticed that I'm rolling my eyes a lot lately. It's a bad habit of mine that I developed when I was practically in utero. It's an even worse habit considering I do not realize when I do it and, consequently, have little control over it. Still, it's a sign that I'm becoming a bit antsy with my situation. I blame summer. I'm cooped up in my room doing grad school reading and my human interaction is limited to a far smaller social circle since a lot of my friends up and graduated a month and a half ago.

I used to be content to be snippy, but found myself happier once I dropped that aspect from my behavior. This catty urge has reawakened, however, so I figure I might as well channel its powers for entertainment rather than just evil.

It's been a while since I've read random blogs in order to make fun of them, but the cat in me is dying to hiss. Last night, I stumbled upon a great one, Homemaking Dreams. It's by a southern, married, Christian woman named Debbie. She's one of those bloggers who informs you of every mundane detail in her life. No quilting, cooking, or shopping story is too inconsequential to share. One day she'll announce that she has browned some beef on the stove and frozen it, then a few later report on how she used said beef as well as how it tasted after being frozen.

Unfortunately, mocking Debbie is nearly irresistible. In this post, she babbles about how she has been inspired by other bloggers to be sure to clean her house for at least 30 minutes a day. This "appeals" to her even. In order to better accomplish this goal, she has a sort of housekeeping journal. Additionally, she laments that she wants to read the entire Bible before the end of the year, yet is behind schedule.

Here, Debbie says she bought a mug inscribed "Grandma's Mug" at a yard sale, but feels old when she uses it. Her story ends with my new two favorite sentences in the English language: "The Brita pitcher was the best find of all! It was like the Lord put it there for me."

As much as I want to find her tidy house and vomit all over her for expressing such things as, "Looks like I will be a 'real' homemaker this weekend. Cooking, cleaning and sewing!!!! Can't wait!!!!", I must admit, as that last post might be an indication, we do have a crucial trait in common: thriftiness.

While I'm cheap, Debbie is pinching pennies more vigorously than her grandkids' cheeks. Nearly every day, she posts updates on where she used certain coupons and what the best bargains she found were. We share a mutual affinity for the liberry, which I love.

I'm pretty convinced, though, that her frugality borders on a mental illness. It's as though she cannot think of anything but how she can save money. Did you know that you can buy 50 dryer sheets for a dollar? To heighten the savings, did you know you can cut them in half? Also, if you're putting more than half a squeeze of toothpaste on your toothbrush, you're a sucker to the corporations.

Seeing these musings, I'm so terrified that this could become me, I almost want to run out and recklessly spend hundreds of dollars. Or I could just buy tampons in bulk. Yes, that's right, she may be a grandma, but she hasn't gone through menopause yet. I, on the other hand, just won't bleed.