Saved by the Bell

It hasn't hit me yet. My first year of teaching has officially ended. As with most events, it seemed lengthy at the time, but so quick in retrospect. The students are gone, some of whom I will never see again. With these students, I shared some good times. More than that, we shared some decent times, as well as some bad times. And some horrid times, too. Anyway, the point is that I have spent a lot of time with these teenagers. Over the past months, they have been a larger part of my life than my family and most of my friends. I would have anticipated the last moments being far more emotional, but instead it was combative to the end, leaving me to haphazardly wish "a good summer" to the students who, while briskly walking out the door, remembered to say goodbye to me.

On this last day, I gave the district finals to the students. In one period, a student with an overall average of 13% who had no incentive to perform well, kept talking to other students. I warned eir to be quiet or get kicked out. After talking back to me, another student from across the room loudly called eir a "bitch." "What did you call me?" the first student said, standing up and calling em names back. Before I knew it, both students were out of their seats screaming at one another. When they refused to listen to my direction, consisting of "stop," I called security for their removal. The first delightful student walked up and yelled in my face how "mean" and "unfair" I am until, thankfully, security arrived to escort eir away. I'm sure going to miss that one.

In the last period of the day, my students had finished their final, and there was only about what I would guess was five minutes until the end of the day. I tried to confirm my estimation by looking at my wall clock, only to discover it was missing. Irritated, I paused before making the conscious decision to say what I had been wanting to express for quite some time. "Assholes!" Clearly, that's inappropriate, but to hell with them. When no one came forward with the clock, I had to threaten to call security to search everyone's possessions. No one would be able to leave and start summer break until the clock was recovered. With that, magically the clock appeared. Mercifully, the bell rang and it was finally over.

It'll take some time before I can effectively reflect on this entire experience. I've been so busy and stressed that detachment was almost a necessity, particularly in the last months. My mantra to myself was "push through." This sumer, I hope to set some time for myself to grieve/celebrate what amounted to a very trying and tiring year. Perhaps I'll Babble that inner-monologue once I'm ready to confront it.