Search Me Again

It's been a while since I've shared the search terms that led to my blog. There have been several bizarre keywords in recent history, but currently, the three most recent terms are too notable not to share.

1. how to clean a crack pipe

I don't know how to clean a crack pipe, though Kurosh once played a Master P song for me in which the lyrics detailed how to make crack. I never really followed through with that; I've never been much of a chef. Considering I can rarely be bothered to clean my own room, I can't imagine that even if I had a crack pipe that I would be motivated to clean it. Ask me about meth, however, and we're in business. I'll not only clean your crack pipe, but every square inch of your house.

2. quadriplegic porn

I'm choosing to believe that someone searched for this phrase just to see if such a thing existed, not unlike my friends' and my ill-fated sophomore year exploration of whether "clown porn" was a real thing. (On the note of clown porn, spare your eyes: don't go there, [gender-neutral]friend!) I don't want to pass judgment: heck, I'm attracted to stumps just as much as the next person. Alas, you won't find any quadriplegic porn here, pterodactyls have paid big bucks for exclusive rights at Kevin Babbles. If I were to provide such content, you'd have to pay an arm and a leg for it. Haha. Oh relax, I'm just screwing around... with your amputated body! I'm kidding again. It's a joke, don't lose your head over it... there'd be nothing left!

And speaking of weird fetishes...

3. anal sex crunching sound movie
This time, I do pass judgment. Gross. Gross, gross, gross. I don't figure this searcher found what they were looking for. I can't determine how a "crunching sound" would even apply in anal sex unless... you know, I'm not even going to touch this one. You can let your own imagination run wild with these keywords if you want, or with any luck, you'll forget them instantaneously.