Curses

Though my job is stressful, I have not turned to drinking to cope like many first year teachers I know. Though I have been known to socially share drinks with my comrades after graduate class, I'm unwilling to even consider drinking after school since I do not want to allow it to become a regular release. (The one notable exception being Margarita Mondays.) That said, it is understandable that I find other ways of venting from time to time - even if by accident.

Recently, the kids wouldn't shut up. I found various ways to tell people to be quiet, but none of them were effective long term. I told one kid to be quiet, and he complied for, oh, thirty seconds. He started in again, and I asked to be quiet again. He said "okay" and then without missing a beat, turned his head and continued his conversation as if I never said anything. "Fuck!" I exclaimed in frustration. It didn't even register with me immediately and about three seconds later when I realized what I'd done, I tried to convince myself that I'd only said it in my head since no one was reacting. Unfortunately, it was merely a delayed reaction, so as I slapped my hand over my mouth, my class burst out in applause, hooting and hollering. "Mr. [Kevin] said 'fuck!'" I could only grimace as the kids took several minutes to settle down. They were so excited to hear it that I might as well have said, "No homework for the rest of the year." The students then started telling me that they were going to "tell." I played the old reverse psychology card and informed them that I wish they would rat me out, and their silly teenage minds buy my sentiment and drop the debacle altogether.

The "fuck" thing haunted me throughout the day. Although there will probably be no lasting consequence from the incident, I can't allow such slips to become habit. The following day, in a different class, I had students whining about the work. When they wouldn't stop, I began to lecture, "Look, you can bitch and moa--" stopping myself after I recognized my latest mistake in two days. Again came the unruliness and threats, so I had to similarly play the reverse psychology card.

Kids talk. I mean, I've always known they talk, in fact, that's the source of most of my cursing in the first place. But apparently, they compare notes. It seemed everyone, even students in my other classes, came to know that I had cursed in consecutive days. It was hot gossip, even. They shared the news with other teachers, too, as I heard the word on my words from them as well.

Often, I forget that I'm such a topic of conversation amongst teenagers. When I was in high school, teachers were frequently discussed as subjects of gossip, almost none of it complimentary, but since I rarely hear about it, I easily forget occurs. It goes to show how little I've come to care about my reputation amongst the kids. I've been told by another teacher who seems to care primarily about whether the kids like him that I "don't need to worry," because I'm well-liked from what he hears, but I couldn't care less. At this point, I'd prefer they'd fear me. At least I wouldn't have to resort to cursing them out. Seriously, fuck those bitches.