I anticipated we'd be walking around a track, but when I didn't see one or any sort of marked path, I thought that possibly we might not be walking anywhere, but rather marching in place. Thereafter, I pictured not a walk-a-thon, but a walk-in-place-a-thon. I envisioned a field full of people, walking their hearts out, but getting nowhere. Unfortunately, there was a trail designed for us, so we actually had to move, but mark my words: one of these days, I'm going to organize a walk-in-place-a-thon, and some lucky charity is going to rake in some serious cash thanks to my brilliant idea.
I huddled our team before the walk and stressed the importance of winning the walk; our team needed to be the first to cross the finish line. Sure, it's "just a walk for charity," but winning shows that you not only raised money, but that you really, really care. And are competitive. We played it strategically and let a few dozen people in front of us so that they would tire out setting the pace, then we'd strike in the last leg. Alas, the tiniest members of our team, the puppies, began slowing us down. It was so hot, they needed frequent water breaks, which ruined our standing until we fell to the back of the pack. I thought we were out of the race until we reached the end of the path, the halfway point. At this point, everyone did an about face, meaning that those in the back were now in the front. This stroke of good fortune put us back in the hunt, until those darn dogs "got thirsty" again. Consequently, we fell to the back a second time, this time eliminating us from our quest for first place. It's a good thing I love those puppies so much.
In sight of the finish line, our group, the back of the pack, was approached by the media, requesting us to run the last part for the benefit of the news camera. As I raced the last several yards, I pushed both Phoebe and Amy out of the way in what I hoped to be a comical fashion to get to the finish line before everyone else. Only immediately after did it occur to me that in doing so, I probably looked like one of the people with intellectual disabilities the event was raising money for. I didn't watch any of the news programs that night to see if I was featured on it, but if anybody saw me acting like a fool, understand it was an ill-conceived joke.
For the sake of honesty, I'd like to take a moment and tell the people who donated nearly $2,000 to Michael Michael that he didn't even complete the walk. He was too busy doing "other things" or something. So if you sponsored him to complete this walk, I would demand your money back.
We spent most of the remainder of the festival collecting aluminum cans from the trash bins for the purpose of recycling. It harkened back to the old days of the Bloomfield Drum Festival when my friends and I served as "Sanitation Relocation Engineers." Amber and I, who have recently decided that we are best friends, took the opportunity to show that we truly are best buddies:
We looked great, but with their unrivaled friendship, Bosco and Darby sure showed us up:
The event concluded with a performance by Lil' Josh, an 11 year-old rapper. Apparently, he's a sensation on Radio Disney. To give context, four years after its release, "The Cha Cha Slide" is still the seventh most played song on that station. Lil' Josh's big hit is a song called "Jump," in which he sings House of Pain's "Jump Around" without singing the word "around." The funny thing is, most of the kids probably don't realize that it's a cover. Or, you know, horrendous.
Overall, it was a fun event and it was great to see Michael Michael in his element. I might not have won the walk, but I did get sunburnt. For the following two days, my reddened face made my students think I was really mad. Generally, I am really mad, so it's not a bad assumption on their part. When one student told me it was unhealthy to get sunburned, I shrugged, "Well hopefully when I get cancer, someone will have a charity walk for me." In another period, seeing my face, someone asked whether I had "been at the beach with hot chicks." When I explained that I went on a walk for Best Buddies, an organization that supports people with intellectual disabilities, the student said, "You mean retards?" "Say it again, and you'll be taking your own charity walk to the office," I snap back. Ah, if only I could have been this quick on the race!
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