The Un Simsboring

Recently, I discovered what is probably my first attempt at journalism, The Un Simsboring. The title refers to my town's nickname, Simsboring, with the "Un" part alluding to the fact that my content would be about exciting topics - you know - like raking and Barney the Dinosaur.




If only I could still think of headlines like "Leaves Fall in the Fall"; the top story is certainly an important one. I love that it begins with an existential question. "Why do the leaves fall?" is perhaps too profound for a newspaper article. Also, I seem remarkably bitter toward my dad about him watching football while I raked, which might have happened once, but definitely not to the extent to which I reported it.






Read that caption. Now read it again because it's so delicious. Rakers are mad... AND fed up... with raking of all things! Doesn't Alison look positively furious in that picture? I must have had her pose for this picture because if fathers can get away with not raking, you can be sure princesses didn't have to either.


I'm not sure why the world of graphic design has eluded me. This is a startling expose on the institution of Halloween if I've ever seen one. I mean, hello, it's the 90's, we don't do scary anymore: it's all about being sexy. Ghosts and goblins are going to need to find a new profession. Clearly, I had journalistic integrity: rather than share my opinion about whether Halloween is scary or not, I left the question unanswered, leaving my reporting to speak for itself.


I'm "suprised" to find that my love for writing about the media started at such a young age. Damn, I sure stuck it to Barney. Take that, PBS! Aren't you chagrined now?


Unfortunately, this front page is the only one that seems to have survived over the years. I wish I could read "No More Pools!" because I can't tell whether it is merely about the conclusion of summer or, as the title suggests, a blistering editorial against the existence of pools entirely.

Gosh darn, I'm precious.