Bronzed

Have I already established that I'm cheap? Because I am: I decorate my apartment with things I find in dumpsters.

While walking home today, I passed one of those people with those arrow-shaped signs announcing FREE TANNING. For the record, I am very against vanity and spending money on something you could achieve for free by sitting in the sun. I suppose cancer isn't exactly cool, either. Unfortunately, I am also against passing up something free, so it didn't take much convincing to get me to try 10 minutes in a tanning bed.

Stripping completely naked, I enclosed myself in the tanning bed. It turned out to be fairly miserable, because not only was it hot, but I was forced to listen to people singing karaoke just outside in the hopes of attracting a crowd. Now, I'm not a marketing major, but I'm pretty sure out-of-tune renditions of "I Shot the Sheriff" accompanied by steel drums will only serve to keep the customers at bay.

After my time was up, I was asked to sign the waiver, which I unintentionally left blank. Not thinking, I complied, even though I totally could have claimed some kind of horrible burn after the fact and sued them for everything they own. Then again, I want neither steel drums nor a tanning bed, so perhaps it's for the best.

Apparently, as of 1:45 pm, I was the first person of the day to take them up on their free tanning offer. They informed me of the raffle they were holding at 2 pm, and being the only one there, I had a "pretty good chance" of taking home a prize. Frankly, I was not about to wait another fifteen minutes to win what I could only imagine would be additional visits to the tanning bed. Besides, habitual tanning isn't really for someone who's so unconcerned with eir appearance and racist like me.

Years from now when I'm diagnosed with cancer, I'm going to look back at this incident and realize how my cheapness finally killed me.