A Better Way to Start Your Morning Than Breakfast

I wake up this morning with randomness oozing from my head. To clarify, I do not mean pus, but thoughts. (I don't want you to be picturing grossness pouring from my head and being too creeped out to accept future social invitations.)

Let me recreate the scene: my alarm sounds, I sit up, turn around, and try to assess the room. Then, for reasons unknown to me, I say aloud: "Do I get your drift? Your drift is like a hotel breakfast: continental." It doesn't make much sense. It has no context. And yet? It might almost be clever. I suppose given the proper moment, if someone is to ask if I get eir drift, I have a very complicated, barely witty retort. Go on: I dare you to give me that prompt during our next face-to-face conversation.

A moment later, I begin singing Carly Simon. I never used to like the "You're So Vain" song, because in essence, isn't the song actually about the vain person? I now realize that's part of the irony; I also realize that I know people just like the subject of the song. Anyway, I start singing and, again, for no real reason, change the words to, "You're so vague, you probably can't tell whether this song is about you." Granted, it should really be, "I'm so vague" if it's even going to make sense, but I feel that changes too many words to be a valid song parody.

I sure can accomplish a lot of nothing in less than one minute of being conscious.