Stop It, Bobbitt

After being unable to locate Tonya Hard-On, I decide to watch John Wayne Bobbitt: Uncut instead because Pitzer’s AV department owns a copy. I ask to watch the movie and there’s some snickering from the staff as they direct me to a private room in the back. Normally, students view movies in the front, in public view, but clearly I’m being labeled a pervert and must conceal my scholarly pursuit.

“If you don’t turn the volume too loud, you can leave the door open,” I’m told. As much as I don’t want to leave the door open, I definitely don’t want there to be speculation as to what I’m doing with the door shut, so open it stays. Before the feature presentation begins, the video contains sexually explicit advertisements with naked women bouncing.

“What are you watching?” I hear. I turn to see a professor standing behind me. I tell him that it’s for class, to which he responds with a look of disbelief. “What kind of class has you watch that?” Before I can explain, he’s asking several more questions, including “What do you hope to get out of this?” After informing him that I need to write a paper analyzing it, he asks what I’ll write about, to which I can only say, “I don’t know, I haven’t watched it yet.” Another professor joins him and asks questions of her own. Though they’re clearly judging my viewing habits, they’re also staring at the breasts on the screen.

“Sorry,” I say, shutting the door, effectively ending the conversation. Frankly, I’d rather have everyone think I’m masturbating.