I'll Be Coming on Down Soon

If you'll recall, I made a sad trip to The Price Is Right a while back. For those of you who have sat by the VCR ready to tape the event, your time is near... this Tuesday is the big morning!

To locate me, look just behind the (stage) right of contestant's row. After growing so disgruntled for the length of time they kept us in line, I decided to behave like a nut in front of the cameras, frequently picking my nose, beating my chest like some kind of gorilla, and shouting "Poooooop!" to the contestants as if it were the price of the bracelet on which they were bidding. If any of my theatrics make it on television, I'll finally attain the level of the excitement we as the studio audience were expected to express. Of course, I'd also settle for a nice shot of the petite old woman in pink behind me who was sagging in every area except for her breasts which were lifted so high she could have rested her chin on them. Those boobs were about as natural as Bob Barker's skin tone.

That's right, Bob Barker is gross and orange. Please do not be fooled by his charm, he is a creepy, sexist man. Half of the women in the studio audience were begging for the opportunity to give/get a kiss from him, as if it would cure leprosy or something. His "beauties" are totally the same women from the We Are 18 phone sex commercials; apparently, blonde and slutty-looking passes for beautiful these days. But what do you expect from a society that deems The Price Is Right a valid form of entertainment?