Tickle me Joan Osbourne, but what if God were socially awkward? Even though it’s an omnipotent figure, God just can’t make a decent conversation happen. Worse yet, because God’s all-knowing, it realizes that others are judging its lack of social skills, which sends it into hiding. I mean, God’s like best-buds with Moses, but it still can’t face him face-to-face, instead appearing as a burning bush. A burning bush? Only a socially awkward deity wouldn’t realize that this is a hostile, inappropriate manner to approach someone. When it came time to ask Mary if it could impregnate her, God chickened out and asked an angel to make the inquiry on its behalf. “I can’t talk to her… she’s… she’s… she’s a girl!” Being socially awkward, possibly agoraphobic, was probably the main incentive in God having a son in the first place. With a child, God could send him out to face all the nay-sayers that had asked for a reason to believe, in addition to picking up some groceries while he was out. Yup, Jesus was the answer to all of God’s anxieties. Of course, it might have worked out better if Jesus weren’t such a pushover.
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