Clear Channel: Clearly Corrupt

On my commute to work, I hear a lot of local morning radio talk shows. Most of the programs are insipid, particularly since they share the same on-air personalities. One such individual named Valentine (a not-so subliminal message to love him) started on 102.7 before moving suddenly to 98.7 at the beginning of 2007 and then this past week or so moved to 104.3. That means Valentine's been on three of the area's major radio stations in the span of less than a year. I figured I was observing a minor scandal with a wayward disc jokey disregarding loyalty and jumping between rival stations for increased pay and notoriety. When I researched the matter, however, I found out these were hardly rival stations. The reason Valentine is able to bounce so easily between these stations is that they are all owned by the same evil corporation, Clear Channel.

Chances are that if you hate mainstream radio, it's because of Clear Channel. Clear Channel owns over 1,100 radio stations across the country and runs them poorly. It takes the corporate approach to providing entertainment in that it seeks profits above all else. It has such a monopoly on the industry that it can do what it wants, including using its multiple stations in a given area to eliminate any competition. Clear Channel is widely known for utilizing payola, a system where wealthy record companies pay the stations to play their music. Though this practice is illegal in its simplest form, naturally there are plenty of loopholes that allow both parties to perpetuate their illicit business deals. If you've ever wondered why radio stations play the same crappy songs so frequently, look no further than some manipulated form of payola. Clear Channel makes money off of providing sub-par music. And it gets away with it, to boot. You can confirm that Clear Channel owns the worst stations in your area by searching its website here.

Though I've loathed the conglomerate for a long time now, I briefly worked for Clear Channel four years ago. The place I was interning for had formed some sort of loose partnership with Clear Channel as a means for promoting one another. For two days when there was nothing particularly pressing to do at my regular internship, I was relinquished to Clear Channel to assist. On the first day, I did menial tasks like hang signs. I did it poorly, I assure you: I hung them crooked and used such tiny pieces of tape on the back that they were bound to fall.

On the second day, however, I had the opportunity to distribute promotional materials with another intern on the the main street of Hartford. Clear Channel had a lot of Pop Tarts to give away for one reason or another, so my job was to distribute them to passersby. It wasn't that difficult, most people were more than happy to accept free Pop Tarts. Things proceeded swimmingly until word spread amongst the homeless community of Hartford that Pop Tarts were being handed out for free. The homeless were an aggressive clientele, but I understood that these people were hungry, so of course I didn't mind giving them Pop Tarts. Clear Channel minded, though. The supervisor came out and told us that we were to distribute Pop Tarts to "radio listeners only," which was a vaguely politically correct manner of saying that homeless people don't own radios and to not give them the product.

Right. You try giving Pop Tarts to just the people who look like they've bathed recently. It was hellish. I watched the Clear Channel intern struggle to abide by the rules and attract the ire of the homeless. On the other hand, I continued to give Pop Tarts to everyone who approached me, most of whom did appear to be homeless. My excuse was that "I couldn't tell for sure if the person was homeless," which I think is pretty legitimate, it'd be pretty discriminatory to make a snap judgment based on appearance. Besides, what were they going to do - fire me from a job I didn't really have? 'Tever! Within half an hour, we were swarmed with homeless people, which naturally kept all the "radio listeners" away from our area. As I kept handing out Pop Tarts, the other intern relented too, I suspect mostly out of fear.

The supervisor finally came out again to shut down our operation. The goal was not to make Clear Channel look like a homeless shelter, so they took away the Pop Tarts. Instead, we were given shoddy radio station keychains to distribute. Even the "radio listeners" weren't interested in accepting these. Unfortunately, the bat call was already out, and the homeless population continued to come to inquire about free Pop Tarts. The first few times I tried to offer a keychain as a consolation before realizing how ridiculous this freebie was. When you don't own a house or a car, you probably don't have use for a keychain.

Frustrated with the situation and Clear Channel in general, I told the other intern that I had to return to my other job for a meeting. Since my other job was not really expecting me, I just got in my car and drove home. I did not listen to the radio on the way home that day.