Luck Be a Liability

I used to never win things. Well, that's not actually a fair statement, as I've won plenty of things: an award for my graduate thesis, a bowling trophy, $250 at karaoke, a couple of scholarships to colleges I chose not to attend, and for two consecutive years in elementary school I won free games of miniature golf when I guessed the correct (or closest) amount of golf tees in a jar. But all of these things are based on merit. (And don't tell me that guessing about golf tees isn't merit. After years of sucking at estimation games, I realized I was far under-guessing, so I learned to always double whatever my instinct was then throw in an extra handful for good measure. Strategy.) Merit is good and all, and perhaps more important than winning something via luck, but I want prizes based off games of chance. Just once, I wanted to win something by random draw. Technically, after my senior prom, I won free miniature golf games (a reoccurring theme), but my mom was in charge of the prizes. For the record, it wasn't an instance of nepotism, but by the time the prizes were being handed out, most people had left, presumably to get drunk, so she ended up handing out prizes to anyone still there, so I don't think that counts.

Every month at work when we have staff meetings, there is a raffle. We're contractually obligated to attend, so it's not as if these raffles are a motivating factor; instead they serve to spread good will. At the beginning of my first year, each time the raffle occurred, I would tell the coworkers seated around me how I "never win" these things. For a while, the main give-away was literacy posters. Once when one teacher won the same literacy poster two months in a row, ey publicly gifted it to me, saying, "Kevin says he never wins these things" effectively passing off possession of the dumb thing and looking like a good person in the process. Apparently, this gift was enough to set the wheels in motion and turn me into a winner. Since that occasion, I have won the raffle 7/8 times. In these victories, I've amassed a second literacy poster (at which point the principal recalled that I had received the first one and inquired why it wasn't yet on my wall, meaning I was unfortunately obligated to hang it), an extra tube of chapstick, a shirt with a corporate logo, a hat, a generic and unhelpful book, a coupon to a fast food restaurant, and two dozen free digital photograph prints.

Here's the thing: I am not interested in even one of those items. It's all pretty much crap. I don't need it, I don't want it, I can't give it back, either. I tried with the shirt for example, saying "oh, I won last time," but the principal asked, "You don't want it?" in such a way that I would seem ungrateful for not accepting it.

What's worse it that I'm noticing it's starting to build up some resentment, too. You can't help but start to resent someone who is consistently lucky, even when the prizes aren't too desirable. I feel that my coworkers are more likely to remember the amount of times I've won rather than taking into account that it was just a tube of chapstick. They'll make snippy comments, even in jest, but when I try to offer/insist on sharing the wealth, they always decline, undoubtedly because it's not about the prize anyway. I would stop putting my name in the running, but the slips are how the administrators conduct attendance at the meetings, so I'm essentially bound to play.

Though I've been a fortunate person in a lot of ways, throughout my life I've always wanted to be lucky in the more traditional lottery-winning sense. But not now. With approximately 5 prizes given and nearly 100 people in the running, the odds of winning 7/8 times are, well, I'm no math teacher, but I'd say nearly astronomical. I'd like to have the ability to beat those odds on something with higher stakes or more worthwhile, but instead it's happening in this entirely unimportant, actually irritating situation. To have my unprecedented amazing streak of luck occur in this fashion makes me feel downright unlucky.