Child Melester

Yo, it's no secret that I've been fiending to go Vegas lately. Recently some of my friends went with vouchers for a free room, free drinks... Did I mention they went without me? They're dicks, I tell you. But at least I get to live out their experience vicariously through their stories.


1. This sign was posted in the casino. Probably the first fortunate thing to happen in a guy named Melester's life. Do you think it was a typo like this Hollywood flyer?

2. At 4:30am in the hotel room, one friend called the front desk to complain of being cold and demanded "two of your thickest blankets." When an employee showed up to the room with blankets, she peeked at the thermostat and asked, "You do realize that the air conditioning is set to 60?" "Yeah!" my friend said angrily and shut the door.

3. At a casino bar, one friend told another, "I keep accidentally making eye contact with this really eery guy, I hope he doesn't think I'm flirting with him." The second friend turned around expecting to see a creepy guy but instead saw a guy in a suit with the largest ears she had ever seen. The first friend didn't mean eery, she meant ear-y. No word on whether he was also a melester.

Hopefully I'll soon have Vegas tales of my own. I can't wait to rape, drink, and gamble.But mostly rape.