I Before E, Especially in Bieber

Not all nerds are into science fiction. For example, I haven't even seen Star Wars. However, that doesn't make me any less of a nerd because I will laugh for days at grammar-related jokes. Hence, my favorite Twitter feed is @FakeAPStylebook, an account devoted to promoting phony grammatical rules. Here are some of my favorite tweets from them:

1. Always remember to close all parentheses. We're not paying to air condition the entire paragraph.
2. Do you hate your readers? Put asterisks in your stories that don't lead to any footnotes.
3. Spell out the words "less than three" to avoid confusion with things you totally heart.
4. Do not place a newspaper's name in quotes unless they have switched to exclusively publishing online.

Today, @FakeAPStylebook held a contest to win its new book Write More Good, which I will definitely read at some point in the future. In order to win, entrants had to submit a question. I took that to mean a funny grammar question, but I think they chose the winners based on which questions they could think of a funny retort for. At least that's what I'm telling myself because mine were too good not to be chosen. Obviously, someone who riffs on grammar for so long that his friend threatens to leave unless he changes the subject* deserves this prize.

**

* This story is true. Also, this asterisk led to somewhere because I love you, dear reader.
** The Bieber rule is something I legitimately had to teach myself after misspelling it "Beiber" multiple times in a pop culture article I wrote.