Failing a Drug Test

I had a job interview a month ago that went terribly. I didn't get the job because I failed the drug test. And that wasn't even the worst part!

The drug test I failed didn't measure my blood or urine; I would have passed that. No, the drug test was a quiz of my general knowledge of marijuana. After demonstrating my relative ignorance, I was told that my inexperience with pot would count against me.

What kind of job expects me to be a weed connoisseur? A position at a marijuana magazine. I had a resume that meshed well with the job description, but little understanding of the product being sold.

I tried to salvage the interview by explaining how 420-friendly I am. It's no stretch to say that I've lived with stoners for most of my adult life. My references to recreational use did not please my interviewer, however.

"Look, there's something you need to know: I'm dying," she said. "I have terminal cancer and I rely on medical marijuana to ease my pain. I take my advocacy very seriously, and [here she lists a number of organizations and positions she holds]."

I don't care how a good of an interviewee you are, I dare you to try to recover from an "I'm dying" bombshell. I guess I had unknowingly offended her by referring to the fact that some people use the drug for fun. I genuinely respect her activism and dedicating her life to an issue, but let's get real here: most of the readers of this magazine are looking for a weekend diversion, not something to ease their last few days. And although they claim to cater to people with medicinal marijuana cards, if you've ever had insomnia, anxiety, depression, a migraine, etc., or are willing to tell a special doctor that you are paying that you have experienced one of these symptoms, you can get a card in California with no trouble whatsoever.

I voted to legalize it, but there are causes nearer and dearer to my heart, and probably jobs better suited for me. I have another job interview tomorrow that hopefully doesn't require me to be a drug user. In fact, I bet they might even prefer that I'm not!