Rethinking Rape

I take the controversial stance of being firmly opposed to rape. To tell you the truth, I haven't always been that way. That's not to say I've ever been in favor of it, but my perspective toward it was in need of some adjusting. During high school, sometimes at lunch, I would lay on the ground, close my eyes, and say aloud, "Someone could rape me right now and I wouldn't know who it is!" No one ever took me up on my suggestion, however. Another time I wrote an essay about a female character who I argued was weak, my main evidence being that she had been raped. Correctly, my teacher objected to this reasoning. At the time, I was indifferent to the revision, but now I'm embarrassed.

By college, I fell in with some legitimate feminist types, not the watered-down housewife variety most commonly found in Connecticut. Through them, I adopted a more earnest perspective. With that transformation, however, comes the temptation to still abuse its "don't touch" attitude. When preparing a standup comedy routine for my History of Laughter class, I wrote a bunch of offensive jokes for the act. While the abortion and incest jokes made the cut, I did not have the guts to go forward with the rape one because I figured it would be so taboo it would turn the audience against me.

What's worse than rape? (Highlight below for the answer.)
Having to take her out to dinner first.

I have yet to have anyone react to that joke with genuine laughter, though there is plenty of the awkward not-sure-how-to-respond laughter, which is why I hesitate to share the joke even now. It's important to realize that I created this joke while brainstorming the most offensive thing I could think of to say. It's wrong because I made it wrong. I certainly don't endorse this viewpoint, in fact that's the part that makes it a joke: if not funny, it at least is not meant seriously and does it's job of shocking.

On this blog, I say offensive things all the time, but rarely do I clarify that I'm joking. I don't normally feel the need to explain such a thing, but the truth is that in this case I'm afraid of the repercussions of not doing so. Heck, I'm afraid for sharing it at all. I find it noteworthy that this internal conflict is occurring now when it normally doesn't.

Oddly, the only jokes about rape that have been acceptable within my circle of friends are of the dead baby variety. I would guess that raping dead babies is just so foreign and obviously not commonplace in our world (though perhaps I should just speak for myself) that it can be laughed off as over-the-top offensive material. Still, sometimes even a baby rape joke has been known to halt a crowd, demonstrating its taboo nature.

At Margarita Mondays a few weeks ago, Professor Keeley brought up how many animals rely on rape to procreate. This is something I learned from the Biological Exuberance book (yes, it revealed the prevalence of rape in addition to homosexuality), but didn't know exactly what to think of its implications. Keeley used the example of otters, wherein the female will fend off the male for up to three days, attacking and submerging one another until the male finally tires out the female to the point where he can conduct his business. This "foreplay" of intense scratching and biting results in blood before copulation. Apparently, some scientists prefer to use other terms for the sort of rape that ensures re-population to differentiate it from the act perpetuated by humans. Isn't the otters mating ritual rape, though? The female never consents. Of course, if the rape didn't occur, there would be no more otters. So in this case rape is good? Or acceptable anyway? Am I even allowed to say that?

Then there are animals where both sexes are not interested in one another, like pandas. Most panda bears would sooner gouge their eyes out with bamboo than have sex. In fact, one of the main reasons they are endangered is because they just don't tend to enjoy mating, resulting in very few babies. What a zookeeper wouldn't do for a panda rapist, though! If they found a panda willing to copulate without the other panda's consent, that panda would get passed around the world for species propagation, perhaps even be declared a hero.

Sigh. If only there were a panda rapist.

For hero status, I guess I would be willing to rape a panda.

Wait, is that another rape joke I'm not supposed to make?

Hello?