Our Next President

Today is one of my favorite teaching days of the year, especially because there is no teaching involved. Once annually, the English teachers are given substitutes so that the teachers may grade the official essays and check on the state of our students' writing. Not only do I get paid a full day's wage, but it's a nice change of pace away from the brats. Plus, since the state of our students' writing is pretty cruddy, there's plenty of fodder to laugh at. I spend most of the day giggling, perhaps more than appropriate for a caring teacher, but I swear, I can't help it.

This year's prompt asked the kids to describe in a five paragraph essay the ideal characteristics for a presidential candidate. If asking freshmen to describe their views on politics is not an utter mistake, it is at least an amusing premise. It left me pondering whether the kids are more uneducated about writing or political knowledge.

One paper taught me a new word: "Firstival," which I assume sounds like festival, but is apparently synonymous with "first of all."

The following are excerpts from essays that I was compelled to copy down word for word, for the purpose of sharing. Mistakes are the students' own.

You might say what about a woman president? Any woman president might not be the right person for the job, or she maybe think about a woman president like this another who has children and the do something wrong, she says do that again and your going to be in big trouble, yet the child continues to do it and this mother does nothing and isn't consistant, what next? you think she will do the same with our country, we are practically putting our lives in her hands. She could be like a mother to our country.

It's the first time in as long as I recall that being a mother to someone comes across negatively. I'm pretty sure this is sexist rhetoric, but it's too incoherent for me to be positive.

Who is going to be our new president? Hilary Clinton? If she is then she'll be our first woman president. I forgot who faced George Bush back in 2004. Who was it? Tell me, because I forgot. Well in the future, I hope they choose the best president there is. Good luck voting in the 2008 election, people.

It's always best to conclude essays with statements that show your ignorance.

The next president should be male, more importantly a Republican. he should be a Christian and not care about what other people say... He should be pro-war and not be cowardly and pull the troops out. He should be well aged. He should also lower taxes... He should be against gays, murderers, and other people the disobey the law. he should go to Church and always ask God for advise espesually before making any really big choices that could affect the country.

This paper was one conservative rant and made me want to vomit. Though it is funny to chuckle at "gays, murderers, and other people the disobey the law."

I'm forteen so I can't vote yet but I won't vote when I'm older anyways because if I vote for someone and they lose I will be pissed.

I hadn't realized that elections were all about building self-esteem.

In 2008 we we will finally get to kick Josh W. Bush out of the election.

Really?

[The president] needs to be active or maybe do something. Also go to schools and then maybe do something.

Yeah, doing something might be a good idea. The suggestions here are concrete and stellar.

The president should be 49-58... It should not be a women because they are to emotional and needy.

Amen!

I don't think it should be a woman because I know about there menstrual pains.

Compassionate and well-informed.

Someone who won't drive our country into a wreck like a drunk driver.

Best figurative language of the day.

Our old president didn't have alot of fans that like him because I saw pop up in computers that makes fun of him like a boxer punching him. Maybe the old president did something that made the people angry.

This is from a student who has been in the country for just a couple of years. It's not a good essay, but it does show skills of perception, no?

It's alright to be a little ignorant if it means making your own decisions.

Ha! This is my new mantra.

"A good president needs to be organized and file all his papers so that he can find them later. A good president also needs to not be forgetful. What if he forgets a meeting?"

Strangely, the two characteristics given most often were being organized and being good looking. While the good looking aspect can be chalked up to either their shallowness or jaded feelings toward politics, the organized part is amusing. As if the president is filing his own papers and scheduling his own meetings. You know it's a one man job, right?

I only read a fraction of the essays, and that's what I found. It paints a pretty clear picture of why we have people like George W. Bush in office. As much as many of the papers seemed to despise him, from the state of their papers, I have no doubt they would re-elect him, even erroneously, if given the chance. Him, or maybe Josh W. Bush.