You Won't Be Going Far

One of the coworker's whose company I've enjoyed the most recently was only hired at my site for a temporary position. Now that the tenured teacher is back from maternity leave, my substitute teacher friend lost eir position. Fortunately, the administrators decided to hire eir for another lengthy substitute position that begins soon (clearly, they won't let anyone leave), so the friendship can easily continue.

All the same, another teacher thought it important to send around a card to thank the teacher for eir service. When the card came to my room, I was in the middle of leading a lesson, so I attempted to multitask, literally giving instructions aloud as I wrote my ill-considered expression of gratitude on the card:

It's good to know you won't be going far! - Kevin

A second glance at my message allowed me to realize that these words might not be construed as a good thing. Sorry you're out of work temporarily, your life sucks. Although you'll be reemployed here soon, it's kind of a dead-end position.

I tried to fix my message, crossing out my name and adding, I mean I'm sure you'll go far in life, just not now.

I'm sure you'll go far in life, just not now? What was I thinking? I tried to amend it some more. As in distance.

Now my message read:

It's good to know you won't be going far! I mean I'm sure you'll go far in life, just not now. As in distance.

I cringed. If it weren't a card that a dozen people had already signed, I would crumple it up and start again. It's not only a shitty sentiment, but exemplifies some horrendous grammar and sentence structure for an English teacher. Nevertheless, I signed it and called it a day. Another one of life's triumphs.