I Need Some Fashion Advice

I need some fashion advice.

I know what some of you are thinking: I thought you'd never ask! But no, it's not like that. I'm not about to become dapper or lardy-dardy suddenly. I already am familiar with most fashion rules: only wear white on Labor Day, plaid is the new black, and pants should be worn around the knees rather than the waist. (In all honesty, that last one is quite popular with my students. I think it has something to do with the fact that their boxers are more trendy than their pants.) Though I'm familiar with many of the rules, I still choose to break them, however. Adhering to societal norms is not only boring but hardly progressive, so when I, for example, show up to your semi-formal event dressed a bit too literally with my top half nicely in a jacket and tie and my bottom half a pair of torn shorts and white socks, I full know well that I'm making a mockery of your dress code.

With this in mind, any fashion advice I ask for would be in jest. Today we had a disaster drill at school. As per procedure, I put on the First Aid fanny pack before we evacuated the room. Since the kids were pretty ungrateful for having survived a hypothetical 8.0 earthquake, I decided to garner their attention. "Wait, I have a real emergency," I said anxiously, before clarifying, "A fashion emergency. When you're wearing a tie and a fanny pack at the same time, do you let the tie hang over the fanny pack, or do you tuck it under?" My students' first reaction was to make fun of me or ask if I could possibly be serious before they realized that it was so absurd that I couldn't possibly be serious. I approached the self-professed shopoholic. "Come on, you know a lot about fashion, right?" "Yeah, but no one ever wears a fanny pack and a tie at the same time," came the reply. I interrupted, "Okay, nevermind, I need someone who actually knows about fashion." I strutted a bit, modeling the tie both over and under the fanny pack and asked for opinions. "We're not evacuating this room until I know I'm looking my best," I said as other classes passed by our room.

For once, the kids were laughing. Generally, they don't get my sense of humor, but the tie/fanny pack combination seemed to be a hit. I'm going to have to wear them together more often.

Still, I must pose the question, and I'm not talking about toilet paper: Over or under?