How Michael Jackson Perpetuates Pedophilia from the Grave by Having a Hot Daughter

Yo, we have a problem. Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris Jackson, is a total fox. It's not that I'd do anything illegal with her (because gross!), but it's obvious that she's going to grow up to be a stunner. The fact that she's already objectively one of the most attractive people I've seen in a while at only 13-years-old is definitely disconcerting.

Do you suppose that this is Michael's punishment for (allegedly) touching little kids? Having a daughter so attractive that he's got to be paranoid about other ChiMos (allegedly) like him?

In addition to the whole Whitney Houston fiasco in Las Vegas the other week, I played blackjack with a Michael Jackson impersonator for a while. He was a fun dealer because he'd make us sing MJ's iconic high-pitched "Hee Hee" when we got 21 and he enjoyed punning back and forth with me with song titles.

While I played, some guy came behind me and contemplated sitting down next to me, but couldn't decide. "Play with me!" Michael said in a child-like voice. Trying to help, I added, "You can't pass up an opportunity like this, usually Michael Jackson only wants to play with children." Upset, Michael slapped my hand hard. "That's not what I meant by 'Hit me.'" I told him.

Surprisingly, the man opted not to sit down with us.

Soon after, Michael dealt me four twelves in a row, which is not a good blackjack hand.
"Why do you keep giving me twelves?" I asked.
"It's 'cause you think that's what I like," he snapped back.

Overall, though, I was winning a lot of hands and more than doubled my money. It was almost as if I was a real child - play with Michael Jackson for a while, and you're bound to walk away with a lot of dough as settlement. Unfortunately, my friend Matt lost a bunch of money at Jackson's table. His girlfriend, Jessica, noticed his depleted collection of chips and expressed concern. That's when Michael, in a squeaky evil voice, informed her, "I fucked your boyfriend."

I cracked up, but Jessica was not pleased with Michael's statement. I thought it was pretty obvious that he meant he fucked Matt by taking his money, but Jessica took it as some sort of threat to her relationship. It seems to me that a pasty, cosmetically-butchered Michael Jackson lookalike would only be a threat if Matt had some unlikely history of being attracted to Jacko impersonators.

Oh wait, you mean to say that Jessica has impersonated Michael Jackson before? Innnnteresting. Well in that case, we can only hope that if Dealer Michael were to have "fucked" Matt, it would result in a kid half as beautiful as Paris.


Anonymous said...

Attention whore. You are dumb and not funny, listen to man in the mirror it is for people like you. Why use someone you hate so much for attention? And what is the connection between hot daughter and pedophile (which MJ wasn't). You are white ugly trash. Get a life...not that you will have the guts to post this...

Anonymous said...

She is cute. But she wears too much make up and looks like trash. Not a good look for a 13 year old kid. There are much prettier girls out there, she only gets notice because of her last name, no other reason. Also, she is not Michael Jackson's daughter. Her real father is a white man. You think an ugly freak like Michael with his huge nose, alien eyes, and brillo hair could make a white child like Paris? Dream on.

Anonymous said...

She is 13 years old, you are not a minor so why in the world are you refering to her as 'hot.' You sicko.

arm said...

whoever anonymous is clearly has no life, so maybe instead of saying you have no life, they should go have a life of their own.

Ted said...

Kevin, this is the best comments section in the history of your blog!

Anonymous said...

Stupid Fool.Leave MJ alone. He was not a pedophile.Read Aphorodite jones' book. Read his FBI file and read the court transcripts.Take your fight to real pedophiles.You are white trash indeed.What a waste of education!!!And you are a creep for even daring to talk about Paris Jackson.Stupid fool!!

Anonymous said...

Es increible la ignorancia de llamar a alguien pedofilo cuando nunca se le encontro ninguna prueba de a ver cometido aquel delito, si no todo lo contrario lo único que se encontro en el juicio fue que las personas que lo acusaban ya habían acusados e intentado estafar a otros famosos por el dinero. Michael jackson salio inocente , mejor lee los documentos del juicio para que sepas la verdad y trates de mejor forma a alguien que solo entrego su música , su alegría y bondad al mundo.

Anonymous said...

Hi, first of all if you are even mentioning the fact that you think Mj's daughter is hot at 14 is it now, you are thinking the way he did.

Trust me the way he treated someone else, what is happening is called Karma and karma is a bitch isnt it.

God uses divine timing but don't mess with the higher source, God punishment is severe. I read a quote that sits in my mind everyday....it states "try to help someone everyday, if you cant help then at least don't hurt them".

well he did

So yes it is one of his punishments with more to come, stay tuned.

Anonymous said...

She is Elvis Presley's blood.
Lisa-Marie Presley and Michael Jackson
did it.
When i see her i think Elvis.

Erin Stotler said...

This made me a little mad but i act the same way when I play black jack.