How I Will Die

This When & How Will You Die app is blowing up on my Facebook feed. Normally, I ignore that kind of stuff, but I rather enjoy thinking about my friends dying!

First I saw the one for Eric, who will die of a stroke. That's not so bad, because you know what's worse than dying of a stroke? Living with a stroke. Can I get an amen? Besides, he might not die at all: what is the 20th month? Granted, that could just be the European way of writing the date, but then why not have both dates written in the same format? What kind of shoddy death predicting software is this? That said, if it is a date written in the European form, that means he'll die on 4/20, which means they have Eric pegged more accurately than I initially gave them credit for.

Next I saw the grave for Zemie, who will die of "lungs cancer". Yes, it said lungS cancer. Getting cancer in one lung is sad, but getting it in both is just plain careless. Sorry, Zemie, but you have it coming!

And then there's Ryan who will die of "violence" on 9/11/22 . Maybe there's another terrorist attack? Or as Ryan points out, maybe he gets killed for making a 9/11 joke. Though at the rate he tells 9/11 jokes, I'd be surprised if he makes it another 10 years. 2022: the year Ryan learns that 19 years is still considered "too soon" by an angry mob.

At last, I was unable to resist the alarmingly crappy death predictor and gave it a whirl. The good news: I'm going to outlive all of my friends. The bad news: I'm going to be hit by a bus. Sounds about right. I mean, who looks both ways before crossing the street anymore. Do me a favor - even if I'm not killed by a bus (which admittedly is a big if) - please make sure my tombstone looks exactly like this one. I like the simplicity of "Kevin… Hit by a bus." It's a sweet way or memorializing me. Or if you want to play upon an old joke, you could always say something like, "Kevin died doing what he loved: blindly stepping in front of public transit."

See you in 25 years, Whitney!

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