Why Facebook Is Like the Zombie Apocalypse

The impending doom of having to get a Facebook Timeline stresses me out. Being on Facebook is like living through a zombie apocalypse. Every time I look, a new friend has been turned. "Not Brian!" "Damn, they got Terri, too." As much as I want to grieve these perfectly good Facebook Friends who have been taken to the dark side, with zombification happening on such a massive scale, all I can really do is be thankful that the Timeline hasn't infected me yet.

But it will eventually get me - the writing is on the wall… the Facebook Wall. These zombies have made it clear that we will all be Timelined one day. In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to evade getting bitten while watching my friends fall by the wayside. Some of these friends have stupidly done it to themselves, agreeing to the transformation since it's inevitable anyway. Others have been infected without their consent, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do to help them.

Although I wish the zombie apocalypse were not a reality, I do perversely find pleasure in outlasting my friends. The longer I go without being Timelined, the more I feel it speaks to my survival instincts. I'll consider it an accomplishment if I can be one of the last to keep my profile from mutating.

Granted, I have already considered what my top banner photo will be when my time(line) comes, but don't mistake that for being in any way excited. It's akin to me choosing the music I want played at my funeral ("Turkey in the Straw" played on banjos): I'm just making the best of a bad situation.

1 comment:

arm said...

turkey in the straw, like the raffi song that we used to sing when were little?