New Year's Eve

How was your New Year's Eve? I don't really care, actually, I only ask so that you'll return the question, because I have three important things to share:

1. I managed to spill so badly on myself immediately upon arriving at the party that within five minutes I had to be driven back home so that I could change my pants. Since taking off my pants is the natural progression of most parties anyway, I briefly considered just committing to pantslessness early on, but the spill had soaked through my boxers, too. At any rate, thanks for giving me one last chance to look like an idiot in from of my friends, 2011.

2. Despite my better judgment, I'm so glad that I exchanged phone numbers with Bev, the older lady I met at the lesbian karaoke bar years ago because she still sends me ridiculous holiday greetings. LOOK AT THIS.

What you can't tell from the screen grab, however, is that it's an animated GIF. The boobs jiggle! They jiggle! I hope Bev finds a similar "bev"y of topless beauties in 2012.

3. Most importantly, our party broke into a vacant house and had a dance party in it. It was all too easy... the door was unlocked, the electricity still worked, and the lack of any physical objects (other than a rainbow feather duster, which made for a good prop) made it the perfect spacious space to plug in some speakers and bop around. As a committed member of the Occupy Wall Street movement, I support the notion of Occupying everything. If the banks are going to take homes from people and do nothing with them, I'll be damned if we can't throw dance parties in them.

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