Bev Has Been on My Crotch

I haven't been to the lesbian karaoke bar in quite some time, and our favorite dyke, Bev, has been texting me a couple times a week asking me to come back. It's been a weird transition from making fun of an enjoyably nutty old woman behind her back to becoming, more or less, legitimate friends with her. One night a few months ago she sat next to me and said, "I was thinking about you this week, and I realized I didn't know much about you." From there, we swapped life stories and suddenly I found it odd to intentionally call someone so nice by the wrong name just for kicks. Not that I've stopped calling her "Bev" yet, some jokes will just always be funny, but I do feel a bit bad.

Bev is hilarious when she texts me because she's at least 60 and still uses teenage text shorthand that even I'm not hip enough to know and I have to sit and decipher a confusing series of letters and numbers. I also have to read something about my friend Lindsay, the cute young thing with whom Bev is hopelessly in love. No matter what the rest of the message, so always throw in a reference to how attractive or talented Lindsay is and how much she misses her. I want to respond, "I see what you're using me for... love you, too, Bev." I mean, I know she likes me, I'm just not enough of a hot young vagina for her, I guess.

So since she's always on my case, I thought I should go out this week to pay her a visit and make an old lady happy. I hoped to carpool with some friends, so I sent a text to a few people, including Alissa, to see if they wanted to join me. I was at Margarita Mondays, so I wasn't completely paying attention, and managed to click on "Alyssa" instead of "Alissa" in my contact list, meaning the wrong Alyssa got the following message:

"Bev has been on my crotch so i think I'll take a trip to the dyke bar weds. Wanna hitch a ride?"

Alyssa, I should mention, is my former colleague, a middle-aged teacher with three kids. Soon after, Alyssa responded with, "Who is this?"

Only then did I recognize my mistake. Funniest Margarita Monday texting mistake since MM 2nite? Fortunately, given Alyssa's response, it seems that either she doesn't have my phone number saved anymore or didn't seem to believe that I would say that. Either way, I decided the best move was to ignore it. I had been meaning to say hello to Alyssa again recently since we were friends and it has been more than a year since we've been in touch, but now I think I'll stay silent for at least another year to give her a chance to forget my number again.