True Beauty

Tonight we bid adieu to the prettiest show on television, True Beauty. The series is from the celebrated, collaborative minds of Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher, so you know it's got to be brilliant. The premise is that a bunch of people are told they are competing to find out who is the most physically attractive, but - TWIST! - secretly they are judged for their inner-beauty.

This season, the contestants believe they are competing to be "The Face of Vegas," a phony distinction. At first I figured they were going for the irony angle to have the City of Sin host a pageant in kindness, but they have yet to make reference to this aspect, so perhaps the irony is lost on the creators. The magic of the show lies in the hidden camera challenges, which test the participants' morals without them knowing they are being critiqued for their behavior. Some of the tests make sense, like whether they will steal or cheat, but others were more questionable, including would they let a drunk, fat, sweaty stranger hug them or confront a pregnant woman who is drinking? It can be frustrating, because they can be good people and have respect for their own personal space and minding their own business, but the show rips into them for "not being truly beautiful" when they fail to act in the way the producers want them to.

This season had two standout characters. First, there is vile Liz. Some of the tests were so basic that you didn't even have to be a good person to pass them, yet Liz found a way to fail every single test except for one. It's as if she went out of her way to be evil at every possible turn and made the show a lot more interesting. The other amazing character is Amy, who should be commended for defying the Asians are smart stereotype. This poor woman is can't read/can't count dumb. She couldn't even determine whether she was safe at an elimination ceremony after they told the other girl she was "going home."



You'd figure the judges for this show would require a renowned reputation, but that's not the case. Queer Eye Carson who has made a living on making catty comments, yet acts appalled when anyone talks behind someone else's back. "Erika seems nice, but she called Liz a bitch!" This following the judges already deciding that Liz is, in fact, a bitch, so hello Hypocrisy City. His counterpart, Beth Stern, seems like the nice, boring judge, but it turns out that she is the wife of Howard Stern, which should automatically disqualify her from being a judge of anyone's moral character.

But the best part is Vanessa Minnillo, queen of such awkward faces that she has no business hosting a beauty contest. Since she hosted the first season, she never appears with the contestants out of fear that they'll figure out the ruse. This fear is unfounded, however, as made evident by the weekly "dramatic" reveal. Each episode, she steps out to the eliminated contestant, in such a way that you'd think they suddenly get that this was an inner-beauty competition all along. Not only do they rarely grasp the true premise (they often go home saying they'd still make a great "Face of Vegas"), but not one person has shown any recognition for Minnillo at all. Instead they're like, "Who?" Seriously, Lindsay and I were two of seven people who watched the first season (mainly because we needed a sobering up activity after Margarita Mondays), so I think they could have left her as the show's host and none of the people would be the wiser. Her main claim to fame is dating Nick Lachey (whose similar claim to fame is marrying Jessica Simpson), and I doubt even Lachey knows who Minnillo is.

As bad as this show is, it's provided a lot of laughs, and I will miss such gems as "My favorite asset is my whole body", "I'm an actor and a model and NOT the other way around", and "I've never had any plastic surgery, on my face, whatsoever. As far as the boobs..." I can't wait to see a new TRUE BEAUTY crowned.