Lost Finale

Yeah, yeah, this is an obligatory Lost finale post. But don't worry, my post is way more about my experience watching the finale than the episode and theories. And you're going to want to know how I watched it, because it involves me SEMI-NUDE!

That's not just a teaser, I really did watch the finale in my underwear in a room with nineteen people, half of whom were strangers. But this wasn't just a case of Kevin being an exhibitionist, there is an actual explanation.

During the first commercial break, I had to pee, but getting to the bathroom was difficult since the nineteen of us were packed into the room like sardines. To get past the crowd, I took an exaggerated step over the head of someone sitting cross-legged on the ground and, mid-step, I heard a distinct ripping noise. I looked down at my left leg and discovered that my shorts had split all the way down.

Man, it was embarrassing to suddenly be pantsless in front of friends and strangers alike. My life is such a mess sometimes. Thank goodness for underwear! In another situation, I would have gone home and got some pants, but this was a moment in television history years in the making, so I wasn't about to miss any of it. Instead, I sat through the whole thing wearing just half a pair of shorts, revealing a lot of leg and some boxer shorts. You know, just sexing the place up.

I didn't entirely understand the episode. Part of that can be chalked up to Lost being Lost, but the rest is due to a lot of alcohol consumption. Our drinking game was a little too successful. A drink for every time Hurley says "Dude," Desmond says "Brother," Sawyer uses a nickname, and a "dead" character reappears proved to be a bit much. Another deadly one was a sip whenever one of the audience members asked a question. That one alone could have killed us all.

At least we had some bomb pizza to go with the beer. You know it's a good night when someone pulls out a tape measurer to gauge a pizza's size before ordering it. I'm just surprised that the tape measurer didn't get reintroduced when my shorts fell off... especially when the show gave me boners at the reunion of SHAYID!

All season long, I've been talking about how my one wish was for the show to reunite former lovers Sayid and Shannon. As adamantly and often as I spoke about it, it was only a joke. You see, they were the worst couple ever. Sayid is smart and awesome, while Shannon is insipid. Their pairing was totally a case of hormones and a limited dating pool on a deserted island and even then it still didn't make sense.

I wanted to start a one-man internet campaign all season that pled, "GIVE THE FANS WHAT THEY WANT! SHAYID 4EVA!" just to laugh at how angry and indifferent people would respond to this statement. But never once did I actually think the show would pair them together, especially with the implication that they lived happily ever after for eternity. Ridiculous! Those two were only in a relationship for a handful of island days before the writers opted to just kill Shannon off rather than figure out how to actually make their dynamic work in a believable fashion. Besides, I thought the love of Sayid's life is Nadia, as established through several flashbacks/forwards. Why isn't he spending his eternity with her? Also, I'm pretty sure the love of Shannon's life is her brother, Boone. And this isn't just another case of Kevin needlessly championing incest, because Boone and Shannon totally boned in the first season, though I know people like to block that out.

When Sayid and Shannon started sucking face in the final episode, everyone took a drink because one of our rules was "lovers reunite," but my friends encouraged me to chug my drink since this had been the moment I was pretending to wait for all season, and I obliged.

Overall, it was an awesome night, in spite of the wardrobe malfunction. An ice cream truck stopped right outside the house and you know we pushed past the neighborhood kids to get our treats before missing too much show. Allison and I did interpretive dances for several characters: the Smoke Monster was both fun and easy, while capturing the essence of Jack through movement proved surprisingly hard. Also satisfying was that I was correct about some plot twists other than Shayid, namely Juliet being Jack's sideways baby mama and Hurley being the island's true candidate. Sometimes I can out-predict your unpredictability, Lost. See you on the other side, brother.