Dinner Theatre

The LA Times published a picture of me, 'cause I'm some awesome socialite who attends hip, local, cultural events, namely my friends' gallery's dinner theatre fundraiser.

Right before the photo was taken, I mocked Jessica for grabbing two plates to go through the buffet line. No, she wasn't making a second plate for someone else, she just wanted two plates full of food.

So of course the LA Times photographer walks over and snaps her picture. Just after it was taken, I laughed at her and told her she was going to look like a fat-ass in the paper. Granted, the photographer took hundreds of pictures that day and there was no real reason to believe that photo would be used, but I just know as a rule of life that if you are photographed pigging out, it's guaranteed to be published.


I must apologize, though, because clearly Jessica does not look like a fatty. If anything, and I think the camera angle contributes to this, it showcases her gangly arm. She could use a third plate full of food, actually.

And why not grab another plate? That buffet spread was mighty impressive and tasty. When I go to brunch with Jessica, she often orders a "white trash omelet" - her own invention consisting of onion and American cheese. So when she's presented with an opportunity for classy food, she should by all means have at it.

The classy part ended at the food, since she proceeded to pull a jelly jar full of wine out of her purse. Most of us were under the incorrect assumption that it would be an open bar, and Jessica bragged, "I had inside information." Annoyed, I told her that her LA Times caption would read "Hungry, boastful Jessica." Too bad they didn't get that part right. At least I had the largest piece of broccoli I have ever seen to console me. Allison and I ate it simultaneously from both ends Lady and the Tramp style.

Other than that, how was the play, tubby?

Ah, right, the theatre portion, here I am focusing on the dinner. The play was a Greek tragedy adapted from the myth Tereus. Oh, and it was fucked up. I say that with all due respect to the actors and director involved; I'm sure they wouldn't be insulted by this comment anyway, because by all accounts it was a fucked up story. Catch a whiff of this plot:

So there's this king Tereus and he wants to get married, so he hits up this father with two daughters. The dad gives him permission to marry Procne, and so it is so, and they have a baby. But, turns out Tereus really wants to bone Procne's sister, Philomela, so he rapes her. So that she won't be able to tell anyone, he cuts off her tongue and hides her away where no one can find her. Philomela stitches Tereus's wrong-doing in message form in a blanket and sneaks it to her sister. When Procne learns the secret, she gets revenge in the most sensible way imaginable: she kills and cooks her baby as a meal. Tereus eats his own baby before learning what he is eating. Enraged, he goes to kill the sisters, but suddenly all three characters magically change into birds. THE END.

So yeah, rape and baby eating. Also, that was the full plot, it's not as though I left out the boring scenes, it all just happened like that in succession. That said, it was provocative and I actually enjoyed how it threw me totally off-guard as an unsuspecting audience member, but there's no wonder why the LA Times skipped over specific details about the play.