Grocery Store Suicide

Though I don't remember receiving a specific lecture on the subject, I must have been informed of the dangers of putting a plastic bag over one's head as a child. I know this because while playing He-Man with my friend Devin (how cute, our names rhyme), Devin put a plastic bag over his face as if it were a helmet. I screamed at Devin to take it off, but he didn't listen, so I started sobbing, believing he would surely die, and ran to tell his mother.

Devin is still alive (I think), but the event was traumatizing nonetheless. Now, however, because of my former dramatic overreaction, I find bags over heads to be kind of funny. Not as funny as birds with six pack rings around their necks, but, you know, worth a chuckle.

I was in the produce section of the grocery store this past week when I spotted a young, antsy girl. She kept dancing around and screaming "Mom! Dad!" but neither one would pay her any attention, her dad absorbed in quality testing the vegetables and her mom wrapped up in text messaging. Annoyed, the girl grabbed a produce bag and pretended to suffocate herself, though neither of her parents gave a hoot. She ran around screaming their names and flailing dramatically, but still they ignored her entirely. Realizing her performance was getting her nowhere, she adopted a calmer disposition, but never took the bag off her head, proceeding to wander around the produce section with a bag covering her face.

At this point, I took out my phone and took some pictures. (Forgive the quality, I'm pretty sure my phone was handcrafted a century ago by Alexander Graham Bell himself.)



Whether that was really a cry for attention or for help, I adore this little girl, even if her parents couldn't carrot less.