Forty Forte

Michael Michael and I have a tried and true history of laughing at funny words and breaking apart the English language, so it only makes sense that within hours of being reunited, our conversation goes down the path. Michael Michael poses a question to me: "What would you call it if thirty-nine plus one was your strong point?"

I have to think about it for a few seconds, but I do arrive at the intended response: "Forty forte."

We say it a few times like a tongue-twister, and then I have my own epiphany: Forty Forte sounds like the name of Flavor Flav's cousin.

Go ahead, scream it in a ridiculous voice: "Forty FOR-TE!"



I'll try to describe how I envision him, but you've probably already pictured him accurately. Forty Forte is a diminutive man with some outrageous fashion accessories and a vocabulary that demonstrates a superb understanding of slang but not a lick of grammar. His lack of hygiene and charm make no difference to the promiscuous women who fawn over him because he's related to somebody famous. Forty Forte's name is derived from his affinity for forties, and to his credit, he is quite adept at drinking them. What spinach is to Popeye, malt liquor is to Forty Forte, except that instead of making him stronger, the booze mainly makes him more incomprehensible, reprehensible, and perverted.

If that sounds like some sort of racist caricature that embodies the worst stereotypes, I swear it's only an attempt to capitalize on Flav's similar success.

VH1, if you'd like to option my Forte of Love show, give me a call.

Oh, and be sure to check out our Flavor Flav photoshoot from a few years ago and discover why "I thought I was being a viking, I did not realize that I was being a Flavor Flavor" is one of the funniest quotes ever.

FOR-TY FOR-TE!