Super Bowl XXX

When was the last time the Super Bowl was actually super? I thought that after the first play resulted in a touchdown there was promise, but blah.

I don't watch much football. Most occasions when I do are accidental; the only appointment football I schedule is the Super Bowl because, well, I'm an American, and to keep my citizenship, sometimes I have to be willing to adhere to mob mentality. Since I'm not compromising on the war, I might as well concede to football.

I, like many Americans (which makes it okay!), generally tune in just to watch the commercials. I used to make sure to go to the bathroom during the game, so I wouldn't miss an ad. In the recent past, having been jaded with marketing and the way corporations control our lives, I realized how ridiculous it was to eagerly see how people were willing to sell me something. For this reason, I vowed to only half-watch the commercials, which turned out to be a good idea because the advertisements were truly at an all time worst. Granted, I was not devoting much attention, but just about every commercial I saw involved gratuitous violence. Though I no longer watch much TV, I had assumed we as a nation have evolved past the random-object-hits-guy-in-crotch hilarity since the demise of America's Funniest Home Videos. (When I went to check what year the show went off the air, I learned that the show is still on, and not just in reruns. I am so out of touch. Probably not as much as anyone still watching the show, though.)

Shea: "Why are all of the commercials about violence and sex?"
Michael Michael: "Because that's what sells!"
Shea: "Nuh uh! One year they were all about monkeys; I loved that year."

I'm with Shea (and presumably Jenna): Bring on the monkeys! Shortly thereafter, the commercial featuring lions trying to say "carne asada" resurrected my faith in marketing, only to lose it again with the montage of people slapping each other for whatever product that is that I don't care to remember.

The half-time show was a disappointment, too. While I have some friends that creamed their pants, I think Prince is one of the most overrated musical artists of all time. Personally, I'd like to return to referring to him by just a symbol, that symbol being the middle finger.

Deep down, perhaps the show just wasn't nipple-y enough for me. Then again, I'm not sure Jehova's Witnesses are allowed to have nipples. Earlier in the day, Madison made a comment about how she still remembered exactly where she was when Janet's breast was exposed. Sadly, it's probably not that farfetched to compare the fiasco to other world-stopping events like 9/11 and the JFK assassination. Janet Jackson's right titty: May We Never Forget.

At a party the previous night, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (that's the legitimate degree of separation) told me that he couldn't stand Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" because of the implications. If Timberlake is finally bringing sexy back, what did he do to it? Where has he been hiding it? And who gives him the authority to take away and provide Sexy at whim?

That got me thinking - I have a new theory: If he only got to show one boob, I bet Timberlake bringing Sexy Back involves finally showing the world Janet's other one.