Popped Music

With a new job comes a regular commute, which means that after a yearlong absence, I'm reacquainting myself with the pop music scene. If you're still absent from this scene, consider yourself fortunate. The only good songs have existed for nearly a year and are finally making it to the radio: "Move Along" by All-American was my favorite song of last summer, I've been gaga for the Fray's "Over My Head" since last September, and I was listening to Gnarls Barkley a few months before everyone else, except maybe for our international readers.

Out of curiousity, Chamillionaire, what does it mean to be caught "ridin' dirty?" Anal sex?

I kind of resent Nelly Furtado for her hit song "Promiscuous Girl." I remember when she was a respectable singer, just "like a bird," and put out some quality songs. "Promiscuous Girl" is an obvious attempt to get a #1 hit, and fuck it, it worked. Furtado did an interview a few months ago saying that she is no longer a feminist because she thinks that mentality makes people "hate men." Apparently to atone for her period of hating men, she wrote a song about fucking them indiscriminately. As much as I want to dislike "Promiscuous Girl," it has found a place in my heart since Jessica adopted it as her tongue-in-cheek anthem. Plus, I was willing to forgive her because I have heard other songs on the album that are phenomenally beautiful and assumed the next single would be amazing. I was wrong. Her new song, "Maneater," is undoubtedly one of the worst songs I've ever heard. It's a mess of gross, clashing notes with insipid lyrics. Hall & Oates owe Furtado a thank you for claiming the title of Most Horrendous Song Entitled "Maneater" to Ever Exist.

And a mean growl to Justin Timberlake, too. Even the snobbiest of my music snob friends had their taste compromised and admitted to liking Timberlake's last album. Well Timberlake can cry me a river, but I still find his songs boring and whiny. Everyone liked that "Rock Your Body" song, too, but when I even try to remember it now, all that comes to my head is the Backstreet Boys song "Everybody (Rock Your Body)." So it comes with great disappointment that I'm currently bopping to "Sexy Back" in spite of myself. The song is pretty bad and I can't even tell which part Justin is singing, but it's so damn catchy. To give credit where credit is due, I suppose we have been the return of sexy to our society has been long overdue, so Timberlake deserves kudos for having the courage and strength to actually bring sexy back.

Finally, I'd like to share the biggest controversy in pop music that no one is talking about. A couple of months ago, Fefe Dobson released a new song, "Don't Let It Go to Your Head" to disappointingly little fanfare. In the interim, Jojo, that teenage hussy, put out a hit single "Too Little Too Late" that sounds strikingly similar to Fefe's song, but much worse, if that makes sense. As a high school English teacher, I'd like to teach this twerp a thing or two about plagiarism; the Fefster is not to be messed with. Seriously, listen to these two songs (via download/YouTube) and let me know if you hear the disconcerting similarities, particularly in the chorus. In Fefe's video, she sits on a toilet and dances the robot, whereas Jojo merely whimpers about a guy twice her age. Which artist shows true genius? I think therein lies the answer to who is capable of coming up with this tune first. Please alert the media, we can't let Jojo steal and profit from Fefe's talent.