I Am a Teacher

I'm going to be a teacher. I keep saying that in the future tense, though the truth of the matter is that I am a teacher. It's hard to acknowledge that I've actually begun a career, because I've always fancied myself a perpetual student. In a way, doing the grad school thing is my way of holding onto that past; however, this fact just makes it an especially difficult transition as I do not have the adequate time to properly address either of these ventures.

I got a haircut this weekend; though I enjoy my mop, I need to look a bit more professional, especially during the interview process. While I like the way it looks short, I miss being able to yank at the long strands when I'm stressed. Maybe I didn't need to cut it: I actually got my first legitimate job offer before the trim. It's for seventh graders at a year-round school. The worst part is that it starts next week. I can barely handle knowing I will be starting a full-time position in a month - there's no way I can wrap my head around doing that as of next week. What would I teach? I've kind of been of pretending that I won't ever have to do that.

Anyway, I've decided not to take the position. I think. We'll see what happens when I make the actual phone call and they make me feel bad that school starts in a matter of days and the kids have no teacher. Oops. Between the suddenness, the commute, and the age group, I just don't feel it's the fit for me. It's crazy to know I am in a position to turn down a $40,000+ salary. At least, I'm told I'm in a position to turn down that type of salary. We'll see what happens when September hits and I discover I'm going to have a lot more time to blog than I had intended.

Today the school's principal called me and asked, "Do you have any kids?" The principal clearly knows nothing about my life. "None that I acknowledge," I deadpan. Having already decided I don't want the position, I was curious how far I could push it. "Oh," the principal continued, seemingly unsure if I was pulling his leg. "Most parents like the year-round setup because it gives them more frequent time off to spend with their children." Thanks. Breeding is not a priority for me now; let's see how well I handle other people's brats first.

Alas, at some point in the next couple of weeks, I'm going to have to actually commit to a job. I will have my own students, my own kids, which blows my mind because I still consider myself a kid. Hell, I still sit at the kids' table at holiday dinners. Teaching terrifies me.

Some days I leave with a smile on my face: I know that the kids learned something and, on the best days, something relevant and significant. Other days I want to pull the fire alarm and slam my head in the door. "Do we have to learn anything today?" What kind of question is that? I challenged that student to sit through the whole class and not learn something. Ey whined at the end of the period, "Mister, you still made me learn." I'll take that as a compliment; still, I was glad ey was forced to leave at that point before the good moment was lost. It's all give and take. My opinion on whether I want to be a teacher changes not daily, but hourly.

Sigh. I'm not positive I'm cut out for this. I'm trying the best I can.

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