The Grammar Fairy

My classroom is increasingly becoming a circus. Being so close to the end of the session, the students are restless and grammar is proving especially difficult to get through. I decide I need a pointer to whack the whiteboard for emphasis to show that I mean business. Searching the room, I find a long red stick from my master teacher's bouquet of flowers with a heart at the end. I hold the heart-stick above my head firmly to refocus the students' attention and have them quiet down, but it only makes them giggle more. "You look like a fairy!" one student heckles. Indeed, the stick is more of a magic wand than a legitimate learning tool. Rather than fighting the criticism, I decided to work with it. "Yes, I am the grammar fairy," I say irritated. I pretend to do some sort of hocus-pocus while waving the wand and cast a spell for them to do the work. Firmly striking the board with my wand to emphasize which words are direct and indirect objects, my demeanor lets them know that this fairy won't be won't be taking any crap. Once I've established their attention, I set the wand down and try to continue the lesson. "Do it with the wand!" they scream. "We learn better from the grammar fairy!"

I pick the wand back up and slap it repeatedly against my palm. "Are you going to whip us with that?" someone asks. "Oh please," I reply. "Like I'm going to let myself get fired for hitting you with a stick with a styrofoam heart." All of the sudden, I notice a student has gotten up and is sitting behind the teacher's computer. "Hey! Hey!" I shout. Worried that they might be trying to change grades, I run across the room, shaking my wand in reprimand. After resolving the situation, I see half of my class in hysterics. Admittedly, my flittering about with a heart-wand is probably the most absurd scene they have witnessed enacted by a teacher in school.

I'll do anything to educate the masses. I am the grammar fairy.