The Activist

While on a walk to the grocery store, I thought of some of the things that I believe are going wrong with this country. The postal system is bankrupt? The Tea Party has clout? We're still involved in wars? I should share my opinions on these topics with everyone, I decided. In fact, I bet I'd make a fantastic activist. Why haven't I thought of this before?

Arriving at Trader Joe's, I saw a pair of guys with clipboards asking shoppers to donate money to some cause. People like them are always there, tugging on the liberal, vegan heartstrings of the shoppers. Before I walked by, I put my headphones on so I could act like I didn't notice them, but they were on to me. "Hey, hey, hey," one said, and I pretended like I couldn't hear. "We know you can hear us!" the second one added, and although he was right, I didn't flinch. "THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME, HAVE A NICE DAY!" the first one shouted at me in an angry, sarcastic tone. Upset that this guy felt entitled to badger me with his agenda, I turned around and gave him the middle finger.

That's when I realized I had no business being an activist. Still, I had a good five-minute run of changing the world before aggressively deciding not to give a shit.