10 Thoughts I've Had While Listening to Mainstream Radio Recently

1. I appreciates any advice for when I hit the club, but grabbing someone sexy and telling 'em, "Hey, give me everything tonight" strikes me as being a little bit forward.

2. If I ever meet the person who broke Adele's heart, I will fuck him up.

3. What if that's not autotune and that's just Britney's natural singing voice at this point? Has anyone checked?

4. This "new" Red Hot Chili Peppers song could be one they released fifteen years ago and know one would notice.

5. This song could only get more ridiculous if it were featured on the Drive soundtrack.

6. Thank goodness I'm rarely a betting man, because if a couple of years ago someone had me wager on whether the band that sings "Shots! Shots! Shots!" would have another song, let alone a number one hit, I'd easily be down a million dollars.

7. I am so happy that Avril Lavigne is back on the radio! (This is not sarcastic, I love Avril.)

8. It may be close-minded, but I really doubt Lil' Wayne has anything to teach me about "how to love."

9. Hey, I liked that Foster the People song, too - last year. Could someone please let the radio stations know that the band has other good songs?

10. Nine: the number of syllables Adam Levine sings the word "moves" as having. Also the number of fucks Mick Jagger doesn't give. Bet he was more excited when Ke$ha name-checked him.

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