Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Like many nights when I drink at the local smokey bar, just past midnight, a woman enters this bar with a couple dozen roses looking to sell her goods.

"Flowers?" she asks as she came to our table. I keep my eyes on the band performing, not willing to acknowledge her. It's not that I wouldn't buy a friend a flower, but I figure in this context, buying a pitcher of beer is a more appreciated gesture.

Ben makes eye contact with her, so the vender pushes her pitch. "Buy a flower for the lady," she urges. She motions toward Laura, who is not Ben's lady. Actually, Ben's fiancee, Jocelyn, is visiting the restroom (you know, to examine the aesthetics, I'm not being crass and suggesting urination is occurring). In Jocelyn's absence, however, Ben decides to be sweet. "How much?" he asks.

"Five dollars," she says, so Ben purchases a rose from her. The vender, holding a Polaroid camera then asks, "A picture with your lady?"

"No thanks, it's actually not for her," Ben explains.

The vender either doesn't pay attention or doesn't care. "Get a picture with your lady, come on."

Peer pressured and figuring what's the harm, Ben and Laura snuggle, smile, and pose with the rose. It's all cute and funny until the vender demands payment; "Ten dollars," she says. Ben has assumed the picture was part of a package deal and finds himself without any more cash on hand. The vender is not amused by this predicament. She turns to Laura who is kindly fishing out some cash from her pocket to help out. Her five dollars is rejected because she's not looking for ten dollars total, apparently the grand total is now fifteen since the photo itself is ten dollars.

Ben rightfully begins to argue with this highway robbery, and the vender says, "The lady will pay for it." Suddenly, the vender is not all about the chivalry she's peddling. She takes the ten dollars from a shocked, yet amused Laura who has shelled out a lot money for a keepsake of a flower of which she is not even the recipient.

When Jocelyn returns from the restroom, she finds the rose and the photo sitting at her place at the table. She looks at the Polaroid, which is essentially photographic evidence of her fiance hugging and giving another woman a flower. "What is this?!" she asks, confused.

What? Who doesn't appreciate a flower and a commemorative photo of your fiance sharing the flower with someone else?

(No worries, this incident is immediately cleared up, no jealousy or apologies are necessary, everyone just accepts the sequence of events for what they are: hilarious.)