You Will Be Missed

While I try not to be dishonest or overly insincere, certain situations arise that require an emotional or heartfelt response even when I have none to offer. For example, someone passes around a farewell card for a parting worker (which I’m really good at, by the way,) particularly one that I’ve only interacted with only a couple of times or just plain found annoying. Fortunately, I have a go-to sentiment that typically suffices: “You Will Be Missed.”

“You Will Be Missed” is perfect, because it doesn’t commit me to anything. It’s not “I Will Miss You,” so I have neither have the obligation to miss the person being referenced nor the pretense of doing so. Instead, I am referring to the fact that someone is going to miss you – it just won’t be me. Plus, “You Will Be Missed” does not offer a specific timeline. It simply suggests that at some point down the road, I’m sure the act of “missing” will occur, if even in someone’s fleeting thought. “I Miss You Already”: now that would be a disingenuous load of crap. Not “You Will Be Missed,” however.

I use the same sentiment when discussing the death of an acquaintance. It tends to be super awkward when mutual friends express grief over the passing of a person I didn’t much care for or know well. Rather than looking like an asshole by contributing nothing to the conversation, I chime with a head nod and “He Will Be Missed” to appear sympathetic. I’m not emotional about the situation, but clearly other people seem to be missing this fool, so I’ve done nothing but express the truth by acknowledging this fact.

One reason “You/He/She Will Be Missed” is so successful is that it’s a cliché, used so frequently that no one stops to analyze its meaning. Its popularity masks my intent and, indeed, when I hear someone else use “You Will Be Missed,” I’m not sure whether ey are using it because it’s a common phrase or because they mean it in the way I do.

Everything has always gone smoothly with so-and-so “Will Be Missed” until I tossed it into a conversation while discussing someone who had died.

“I’ve always hated that phrase,” a friend replied. “It’s so impersonal. It’s like getting around saying that you will miss the person.”

I point out that that is the brilliance of the phrase, excitedly listing the aforementioned reasons for why it’s the perfect choice of words.

“So basically you’re admitting that you said that on purpose and you’re not even sad about him dying?” my friend expressed with disbelief. “That’s pretty… tacky.”

Oh, right. Discretion is the only way to avoid being seen as an asshole. Keeping it an unspoken secret should be rule #1 for “He Will Be Missed.” Starting now, I guess.